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Showing posts from May, 2023

Dazzy L

  The name's Bond. James Bond. James. Never Jim. Or Jimmy. Or Jimbo. Or Jack.  For years Offley stalwart Darren Lunney has insisted that like 007 (which is roughly what he's currently averaging with the bat) the name's Darren. Not Daz. Not Dazzer. Not D-Train. Not D-Dawg. Not Dee. Darren. However, if you've had the pleasure of visiting the Luton & Dunstable Hospital recently (obviously pleasure is a fairly loose term) you may have noticed a new dining establishment just across the road. For our purposes we won't concern ourselves with the exact pronounciation, merely how it can be pronounced. Which is to say Dazzy L. So remember in future it's not Daz. It's not Dazzer. It's not D-Train. It's not D-Dawg. It's not Dee. And it's not Darren either. It's Dazzy L. He'll like that.

Two Club Wanker

  Judas Iscariot (former mate of Jesus). Sol Campbell (Spurs and Arsenal). Steve Bexfield (Offley and St Joseph's). Luke Ronchi (Australia and New Zealand). Not a list with which you really want to be associated when it comes to treachery and two-club wankers.  In fairness Ronchi only swapped Australia for New Zealand out of shame when his dismissal at the hands of Bexfield came to light. However, to the list of the treacherous and duplicitous we must now add who we thought was one of our own (even if we did technically lure him away from Harpenden). The sight of Offley's OBP (Official Best Player) Ben Wiles kissing the Datchworth badge is a sad day for the club. The last time I felt so betrayed by an act of cricketing treason was last summer when Ian Laidler and Wayne Cutts made intricate plans behind my back to go and see Judashire in the t20 quarterfinals. Fortunately Judashire fucked it up and didn't qualify for the quarters so it was a happy ending - although possibly

Boaty, Battery & Buffoonery

  Offley & Stopsley, 184 all out, lost to Sandridge, 185-7, by three wickets   Buffoon - a ridiculous but amusing person; a clown Following a string of defeats to better teams, Offley opted to mix things up a little at Sandridge by losing to a team they were clearly better than - barring one man with one shot. Along the way there were dropped catches, bullies being bullied, silly shots, interesting clothing choices and myriad examples of buffoonery, the majority of which were displayed by Offley's principle buffon - at least in the eyes (and ears) of Sandridge.  Josh Scott, still in search of his first away win as captain in his second season in the Saracens League, won the toss and opted to bat. A firm deck, sunny day and short boundary on one side made it a good day to be a batsman and the Brothers Ward marched out together to open the innings. On a good day Adam Ward is a peerless driver of a cricket ball, a left-hander who drives like a ginger Lara. Unfortunately on this da