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Showing posts from May, 2024

The Worst Offley Batting Line-up In History? Maybe. The Worst Offley Batting Month In History? Probably

  One of the great landmarks in cricket is to score 1000 first class runs before the end of May.  Only eight men have reached the milestone (Bradman did it twice) and no one has done it since Graeme Hick in 1988. This season Offley have got off to what might be politely termed a slow start - Stephen Hawking climbing Everest without assistance would have made swifter progress. Seven matches have been played and six defeats have been racked up, including five out of five in the league. Only a victory over the Shillington Spitfires has interrupted the run of losses. Apropos of nothing, Shillington's nickname of the Spitfires is worth taking on board for the next time we rebrand. Offley is named after King Offa, the man who ordered the construction of Offa's Dyke (Google it). Consequently is it not time to jettison the lion logo in favour of a new inclusive 21st century image, the Offley Dykes, complete with a logo of two lipstick lesbians doing what Offley do best? Going down....

On The Cusp Of Greatness

  Jamie Cummins is set to confirm his status as a two-sport superstar this weekend as he seeks to complete the career double of 200 runs and 100 wickets for Offley. A man who has enjoyed tremendous success at Quidditch, Cummins now needs just six more runs and a solitary wicket to achieve the double. Cummins burst on to the scene in 2016 and the fact that he's still plugging away eight years later is a testimony to his staying power. Back then he was a little-used fourth-change trundler as Offley maintained their ascendancy and continued to climb the leagues. Today he is an over-used trundler who takes the new ball as Offley maintain their alarming descent through the leagues. While it could be argued that Jamie's batting average (3.80) barely outstrips his number of famous lookalikes (Harry Potter / Dennis Nielsen / Rose West), he showed great promise in his last outing when he sacrificed the need for quick runs at the end of the innings in favour of deploying his favoured blo

Here We Go Again.....

    OSCC, 126-8, lost to Flamstead, 129-3, by 7 wickets Offley produced one of their best performances of the season - and still lost by seven wickets. Let that sink in for a bit as you consider the depths we have plumbed when batting our allotted overs, only dropping two out of four catches and picking up three wickets is seen as some sort of achievement.  A brief flurry of hope when it seemed as though the opposition might not arrive was eventually extinguised and Offley were asked to bat.  Captain Marc Ward led by example, opening the innings and vowing to play carefully and treat the bowlers with respect. After failing to score from the first seven balls he received, Ward decided it was time to throw the pressure back on the bowlers and unfurled a majestic off drive; unfortunately Ward connected with fresh air and the ball connected with middle stump. Chris Austin  Steve Bexfield joined Richie Barker and proceeded to show none of the form that had brought him a half-century in his

The Hateful Eight.... Plus Bradders

  OSCC, 81 all out, lost to Chipperfield Clarendon, 83-0, by 10 wickets There are a few sports you can attempt with eight.  Rowing. Sevens rugby, complete with a substitute. Something called korfball. Cricket is not one of them. Yet Offley travelled to Chipperfield with eight players.  At one point nine had been scheduled to make the trip but unfortunately Bradley Lyons remembered the night before that the game clashed with his daughter's birthday. While Offley's purpose for playing the game was to avoid the £150 fine that would have been imposed on them by higher authority, their target for the game was to emerge with honour and pride intact and at least one point. Anyone who featured in the Broxbourne Massacre a few years ago when we walked off with absolutely fuck all to show for, our admittedly woeful, efforts will appreciate the importance of that solitary point. On a huge arena with a rutted outfield that conjured up frightening memories of Crawley Green at its worst, sta