On The Cusp Of Greatness

Jamie Cummins is set to confirm his status as a two-sport superstar this weekend as he seeks to complete the career double of 200 runs and 100 wickets for Offley.

A man who has enjoyed tremendous success at Quidditch, Cummins now needs just six more runs and a solitary wicket to achieve the double.

Cummins burst on to the scene in 2016 and the fact that he's still plugging away eight years later is a testimony to his staying power.

Back then he was a little-used fourth-change trundler as Offley maintained their ascendancy and continued to climb the leagues.

Today he is an over-used trundler who takes the new ball as Offley maintain their alarming descent through the leagues.

While it could be argued that Jamie's batting average (3.80) barely outstrips his number of famous lookalikes (Harry Potter / Dennis Nielsen / Rose West), he showed great promise in his last outing when he sacrificed the need for quick runs at the end of the innings in favour of deploying his favoured block and prod.

Jamie hasn't taken a wicket since before Luton were relegated and has been stuck on 99 for his last two matches, despite some heroic diving attempts to pull off a catch with a solitary fingertip.

Part of this may be down to the fact that he has improved his accuracy this year and has cut down on the number of wides he sends down.

Unfortunately this means that batters are now less likely to be surprised by a rogue straight ball.

Despite that he still boasts a career strike rate of 34 so six overs at the weekend should be enough to take him to 100 wickets - especially if the fielders who have let him down so often can remember to hold on to the ball if it comes their way.

Consequently a celebration is on the cards if Jamie can prove once and for all that he really is hotter than Potter.

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Taylormade Triumph

OSCC, 164-8, beat Eaton Bray, 94 all out, by 70 runs Said Boaty unto Matty "It looks like you're the fatty" "It's weight of runs that matter And I'm the better batter" And so they staged a duel To see if weight would conquer all Boaty went out first And if not quite at his worst He scratched around a bit And really looked quite shit He played and missed a lot The inside edge was his best shot Then an Offley wicket fell And Matty heard the bell His breasts were seen to jiggle As he marched out to the middle His arse dragging in his wake The result of eating so much cake Off the mark was Taylor swift He gave the run rate a quick lift And while Boaty joined the dots Matty T played all the shots The runs began to flow Though the running was quite slow They spread the field for Taylor He had no fear of failure He smashed the ball for four Then he smashed a couple more But soon was breathing hard Though he'd barely run a yard Then at the other end Boaty

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OSCC, 181-4, beat Old Albanians, 154-9, by 27 runs It might have taken a while but on a day where skipper Marc Ward was absent in a bid to seduce Snow White along with six similarly diminutive accomplices, Offley finally found a way to win a game. Perhaps it was because Old Albanians were even more hopeless than Offley; perhaps because even a blind squirrel sometimes finds an acorn and on this day Dan Goord located the middle of the bat; and perhaps the addition of Ben Southgate, someone who clearly knows what he is doing, combined to lead Offley to their first league victory of the season. For some reason Offley, a team who can at times consider themselves fortunate to play on a needle-strewn, dog-shit littered, pikey-infested council wasteland, found themsleves playing on one of the premier venues in Hertfordshire and raised their game accordingly. They might have found a way to drop eight catches (in fairness only four players shelled a catch but each of them compensated by droppi

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