OSCC, 128-9, lost to Royal Herts, 129-6, by four wickets
Marc Ward returned to the side as Offley attempted to make it three wins on the spin in the Herts League.
Unfortunately they ended up losing for the fourteenth time in a row under Wardy's illustirous leadership, slipping to a four-wicket defeat on a snot heap of a wicket.
Ward won the toss and elected to bat before realising that his team did not necessarily contain a great deal of batting.
The captain led the way with a valiant 30, an innings that ended to the last ball before drinks when he successfully steered a wide full toss gently into the hands of point, the dismissal ending a 39-run stand for the fourth wicket with Jamie Cummins.
Ward reacted to his dismissal with a series of self-recriminations featuring bat throwing, helmet smashing and vocal flagellation, all worthy of the Old Testament.
By that point Richie Barker (1), Marcus Townsend (6) and Ian Peterson (8) had already made the long walk back to the hutch.
Resuming after the drinks break, Offley needed a partnership, two batsmen who would fight it out together and, if necessary, give blood for the cause.
Two balls later the quest resumed.
John Davis surprised himself and perhaps everyone watching by unfurling a cracking extra cover drive.
He certainly surprised Cummins at the other end by calling for a single despite hitting the ball straight to a fielder.
The ruddy-cheeked Cummins, a man with the mobility of a gammon steak, reasonably decided that the run was not on.
Jamie has never shown any inclination to change his political opinions so there was certainly no chance of him changing his mind over the validity of the single.
Unfortunately while Jamie reasonably elected to stand his ground, Davis was charging down the wicket in stylish black trainers, yelling "Yes!"
By the time he applied the brakes and attempted to make it to safety it was all over.
That set the tin lid on a heart-rending weekend for John who faced three balls over two matches and did not score.
Tom Harris emerged from the pavilion ready to impersonate Joe Root, producing a tremendous range of limbering up stretches and practice strokes, the effect of which was undermined somewhat by tripping over his own feet.
Once he had regained his footing Harris joined Cummins and the pair took advantage of the sandy, crusty, scabby wicket to dig trenches.
Cummins compiled a painstaking 8 from 49 balls, collecting dots like they were some sort of priceless rare cryptocurrency, and Harris contributed 8 from 43 balls.
Jamie played plenty of nice defensive shots while Tom mixed a textbook defensive technique with some wonderfully enthusiastic swipes and hacks which resembled a blind farmer hard at work with a scythe.
Or Dan Goord.
After Cummins had his off stump ripped out, Roger Piepenstock played and missed at a couple, inside edged a single and then got bowled before Mo also came and quickly went for 1.
Offley were on the rocks before Syed Shah, hitherto a man who had displayed minimal credentials as a batsman, gave his team hope with a sparkling unbeaten 27.
Syed and Steve Denton added an unbroken stand of 19 for the last wicket, mixing the occasional boundary with suicidal running, to haul Offley up to 128-9.
The venerable Denton defied his many years to scamper up and down the pitch like a newborn lamb.
Had he been batting earlier in the innings, there is a slight chance that Davis would not have been run out.
Special mention must go to Extras who weighed in with an impressive 35, the only other double-digit entry on the scorecard apart from Syed and Ward.
At the break Offley could be forgiven for thinking that they had a resonable chance of defending a target against a team searching for their first win of the season on a surface that was not exactly batsman-friendly.
Within five overs of the reply that optimism had gone out the window as the hosts piled up 34-0 with Syed and Denton both struggling to find their rhythm.
Unless they were attempting to play a really shit tune, in which case they had the rhythm down perfectly, failing to hit either line or length and leading the heroic skipper to wonder aloud, "Is it just me?"
Ward was holding out for a hero and in the absence of a gravel-voiced Welsh diva settled on the closest thing available and threw the ball to Barker.
The opening stand was worth 63 by the time Barker made the breakthrough, inducing a mistimed mow to midwicket where Syed took the catch.
The runs continued to flow and Ward was starting to wonder if it might be time to introduce Demon Davis into the attack when Barker turned one past the edge of Pragallapati's bat to remove the opener for 58 and make it 82-2.
He may have taken over 670 wickets for Offley but that one definitely represented a double-first, a ball that turned and a victim called Pragallapati.
Barker claimed two more victims en route to figures of 4-25, both LBW, the second of which was stone dead.
The first was not quite so conclusive and may indeed have turned so much that it missed the batsman's pad, let alone the stumps, something that happily did not deter the umpire from raising the finger, just reward for a jolly enthusiastic appeal.
At the other end Mo picked up a wicket when Peterson took a fine catch at mid on and when Denton returned to trap another batsman on the crease, Royal Herts had lost five for 18 and were 100-6 and the game was in the balance.
Unfortunately there were no more miracles.
Cummins did his best to conjure a wicket with a cunningly disguised wicket-taking ball in the shape of a half-tracker that screamed "Smash Me!" but alas Davis dropped the chance at midwicket.
The hosts made it over the line as Offley dropped to seventh in the table and Wardy was left to reflect on when that first victory will finally arrive.
Next up it's Sandridge at the LCP.
Will 15 be the charm?
This is genuinely terrific writing.
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