OSCC, 116-6, beat Shillington, 115-9, by four wickets
OSCC, 174-6, beat Harpenden, 166 all out, by eight runs
OSCC, 245-6, beat Hexton, 152 all out, by 93 runs
Having started the season by losing six out of six - and conceding a seventh to boot - Offley kicked the season into life with a three-game sweep of assorted opponents.
The week that began with the unfortunate Bus Wanka saga ended with the victory beers overflowing.
Jamie's Dan's contribution to the 52-run partnership was 9.
Captain Roger Piepenstock secured the first win of the season against Shillington, having been elected to the position on the grounds of his patrician bearing and the fact he was the only one with a coin (a golden guinea presumably) to toss up.
Manouvering his fielders with a combination of frantic arm-waving and polite requests one that conjured images of a pissed up usher at a garden party, Captain Piepenstock ensured Shillington were restricted to 115-9.
Mark Kirkman and Shane Jones were the pick of the bowlers with three wickets apiece but there were also two scalps for T20 specialist John Davis who spent the rest of the weekend telling anyone who would listen that he now has eight wickets in his last three T20s.
Clearly he's the man to take the new ball in next week's village trophy clash at Kimpton.
The batting was something of a fairytale, in this instance Will Inchbald & The Seven Dwarves.
Inchbald led the onsluaght with an unbeaten 79.
The next highest score among the seven other batters was Danny O'Brien's 6.
Davis bagged a trademark duck (he wasn't so keen to share that piece of information with the group) so for anyone who missed it, here's how it looked from the keeper's perspective.
World Class Tekkers...
Undeterred by his colleagues combining for 15 runs between them (Extras provided the rest), Inchbald led the way with some impressive hitting to see his team to victory in the final over with Piepenstock providing invaluable support with a captai's innings of 4 not out.
(Not That) Will Celebrates
On to Saturday where Harpenden, a town with a population of 30,000 souls, had 90 players available for the weekend.
Offley, for once, had 11 eligible players.
And yet among the multitude of Harpenden availibilities thet could not find 11 players who could overcome an Offley side that somehow stood firm among a tsunami of pulled muscles.
Offley went into the contest buoyed by the knowledge Captain Jonah (we love you, Wardy) was in Prague leaving Richie Barker to take charge.
Offley won the toss (even that has been beyond Ward this season) and elected to bat.
Despite Ward's absence and Jamie Cummins sliding down the order, normal service was resumed as Offley's openers took on the roles of boundary hitter and dot collector with Barker and Dan Goord in the tradtional roles.
The pair put on 52 for the opening wicket, Goord resisting stoutly at one end, stoically blocking and prodding in the finest Cummins style, while Barker effortlessly passed his previous season's best (1) with an impressive 40 before he was bowled by an in-swinger.
Scott Boatwright hammered a rapid 24 to keep the momentum going before doing what Boatwright does - play the wrong shot to the wrong ball - with predictable stump-rearranging results.
Josh Scott joined Goord who was proving more obdurate than a Just Stop Oil protester and had amassed 14 priceless runs by the time the teams took drinks after 20 overs.
Goord accelerated after the break and had progressed to 32 from 31 overs before to the relief of the batsman he missed a straight one and walked before the umpire could confirm the LBW decision.
Scott and Shaun Baines kept the innings rolling before a slight disagreement over a second run.
Scott was adamant the second was on.
Baines, having injured his thigh, felt it wasn't.
Evidently eager to express his point clearly, Scott kept charging down the track passionately screaming "Yes! Yes! Yes!" like Katie Price in the early stages of her romance with Dwight Yorke.
Perhaps aware of what was to follow - a real Harvey of a run out - Baines shouted "No!" and stood his ground.
The throw came into the keeper and while Katie and Dwight bickered over custody of the spectacular fuck-up, he calmly lobbed it back to the bowler to remove the bails.
Technically in this analogy it should have been Shaun who disappeared (just like Dwight) but as it was Josh stomped off for 27, his brand new bat sailing throgh the air in an expression of high dudgeon.
Kirkman and Baines continued to push Offley forwards with a combination of suicidal running and judicious strokeplay and Offley eventually closed on 174-6, Kirkman unbeaten on 20 despite injuring his groin in the process.
Offley took the field with Bains and Kirkman deployed at slip and gully respectively on account of not being able to move easily.
Harpenden got off to a solid start before Steve Denton made the breakthrough with the help of a magnificent catch from Matty Taylor.
With the ball soaring towards him at mid on, Taylor drifted back like the iceberg positioning itself to intercept the Titanic. Turning in circles while clearly drifting to the right (a bit like Keir Starmer), Taylor positioned himself before making an extremely difficult chance look remarkably easy.
It was the highlight of an excellent fielding display from Taylor, who routinely put his body on the line to intercept fiercely struck shots.
Harpenden had advanced to 57-1 before Mo induced a sliced drive from the batsman and Scott made no mistake at point.
That was to be Scott's last contribution of any signifcance to proceedings as shortly afterwards he went hurtling round the outfield in a futile attempt to cut off a boundary before leaping in the air like he'd been shot (or considering the number of takeaways that are consumed at Chateau Matty these days, possibly harpooned), his hamstring popping like a cheap champagne cork leaving him unable to continue.
That left Offley to soldier on with ten men, a mere ten against the 30,000 of Harpenden, the sort of odds even Luke Munt would hesitate to bet on.
Cummins - keen to atone after serving up the pie that had been smashed to the boundary leading to Scott's injury - picked up the third wicket with a sublime delivery that ripped through Lapwood's defensive prod.
Mo swung the game in the underdogs favour when he found the edge of the dangerous Robinson's bat and Boatwright took his first catch of the year behind the stumps - the first one that was actually given anyway. Robinson went for 44 from 35 balls to make it 78-4.
Yorkers from both bowlers accounted for two more batters as a shellshocked Harpenden subsided from 78-2 to 79-6 leaving Offley firmly in control at drinks with Mo en route to figures of 3-34 and left experienced Offley-watches wondering how they might contrive to fuck this one up.
A 76-run partnership rather answered that and swung the momentum as the ten men started to wilt in the heat and the duo of experienced skipper Bell and Smith looked to be taking Harpenden to victory.
Denton returned in the unfamiliar role of death bowler and made the breakthrough as Smith chipped a drive to mid on where Mo took the catch in the coolest of manners to make it 155-7.
Denton immediately struck again, finding the edge and Boatwright, standing up to the stumps, didn't have time to think about dropping it and took an excellent catch.
The collapse continued with Denton winning an LBW shout to make it 157-9 before the final pair dug in and inched their team closer to the total.
Denton spurned two chances to seal the win and claim a five-wicket haul, failing to hold on to a pair of chipped return drives in successive deliveries as the equation came down to ten from seven balls to win.
Denton lost his line and length and was cut fiercely towards the boundary.
The stricken Baines put his body on the line and toppled to his right and got a hand on the ball at point to take some of the power off the ball allowing Cummins to trundle round the boundary and retrieve it.
The fear of bowling the last over gave Cummins wings.
The batsmen might as well have been callipers judging by the speed they tried to turn a single into two to keep Bell on strike for the last over.
Jamie's throw reached Boatwright on the bounce giving the keeper time to gather and demolish the stumps leaving the batsman short of his ground and Bell stranded on 48 not out.
It gave Offley their first league win in ten months. prompting celebrations that may have offended one or two local sensibilities, especially among the fake taxi fraternity but such is life.
Harpenden trudged off like Inter Milan while Offley partied like PSG, swapping ice-cold showers for ice-cold beers and Barker, flushed by victory, agreeing to replace the hamstrung Scott as captain at Hexton the following day.
By the end of the night the unfortunate Josh was as unsteady on his feet as a Weeble who'd been passed around an Alabama penitentiary.
Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down
As it was Barker did not arrive at Hexton until the game was well underway and Inchbald was already back in the hutch for 7.
Cummins stood in for the toss (losing it) and Barker's contribution was to communicate the batting order over the phone.
Steve Bexfield's car sustained a puncture at Lilley (on the jagged road rather than the rutted outfield) and left him needing the AA.
Jono Evetts went for 8, falling to the sort of shot that could charitably be described as ugly and debutant Tom Harris made a useful 18 before being bowled to make it 38-3.
Adam Ward and Ben Wiles put Offley on the road to victory with a 135-run partnership that left Hexton chasing shadows.
Ward hammered 15 boundaries and was eyeing his second century for the club before slicing a tired drive to point and departing for 82 from 64 balls and make it 173-4.
At that juncture Wiles had scored 45.
He now chose the moment to accelerate with support from Piepenstock and Davis. Wiles smashed 50 off the next 71 runs before he went for 95 with one ball remaining.
Davis finished unbetane on 7, the first time he has been not out in his career, a career which thus far has consisted of more than 30 innings.
Had Wiles not been selfishly hogging the strike in pursuit of his century, Davis would doubtless have finally joined the Offley DFC - the Double Figures Club.
Hexton got off to a good start before Harris was introduced into the attack. Showing some signs of rust if took a little while for Wayward from Wandsworth to find his stride as he sevred up an eclectic first spell for the club featuring seven wides and five no balls.
Along the way he looked to have picked up his first wicket for the club when Davis held on to a steepling catch on the deep midwicket boundary.
Unfortunately Davis had not been on the pitch when the ball was delivered ostensibly searching for his jumper on a warm June day and was therefore ineligible, a fact that was pointed out with squealing glee by Mark Tattersall's mate Shamu.
A merry little consultation ensued before the batsman was allowed to resume his innings.
Howard finally struck with his 17th delivery in his second over when Inchbald held a comfortable catch at extra cover.
That started the procession with Evetts picking up the crucial wicket of opener Ommer for 52.
It was a textbook South African case of an authority figure swaying the jury (in this case the bowler convincing the umpire) with a loud and prolonged appeal designed to persuade him to find the batsman guilty, regardless of the fact the ball probably wouldn't have hit another set of stumps.
Like a 1980s South African policeman planting evidence, Evetts' appeal planted the seed in the umpire's mind and the sentence was swiftly passed, the distraught batter having no choice but to head back to the pavilion.
Meanwhile Harris continued on his merry way conjuring images of Mitchell Johnson bowling to the left and bowling to the right.
Frustrated by having his requests for everyone on the single denied, the Offley Super Sprayer was delighted to claim his second wicket in true fast bowler fashion when Evetts held on to a comfortable catch on the deep midwicket boundary.
The Super Sprayer claimed another victim next ball before finally withdrawing from the attack with figures of 4-0-35-3.
Evetts, a man whose ancestors persumably knew how to sway a jury with minimal evidence, claimed another victim with another impassioned appeal following an excellent stumping from Ward.
Wiles replaced the exhausted Howard and proved to be the fastest bowler on display all day with his rapid tweakers.
Wiles shattered the Albino Harvey's stumps with a delivery that was heard round the world and produced yells of delight in Perth, before effectively sealing the victory by having the destructive Smylie caught at the wicket for 26.
Wiles should have claimed another but Davis, having taken one sensational catch that didn't count, contrived to drop an absolute sitter at mid on.
Jones picked up a couple of wickets with his mesmeric spinners, including that of Hexton skipper and former Offley batter Mo Chaudry, before Wiles had the final word with Inchbald taking the catch to secure an emphatic victory.
Overall 23 different players took part in the weekend's successes, the most notable absentees being the regular Saturday and Sunday captains.
Three wins out of three.
The Triangle of Triumph.
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