OSCC, 113-8, lost to MK Warriors, 171-8, by 58 runs
Everest has been conquered.
The 10-second barrier for the 100 metres has been shattered.
Americans elected a massive orange twat as President.
Twice.
Britain elected a gormless, unprincipled and spineless dipshit as Prime Minister.
So far only once but let's see where we are in another four years.
Marc Ward won a game as captain.
And yet as Sinead O'Connor might have put it, nothing compares 2 u, John Davis, on finally joining the Offley Double Figures Club (DFC) at just the 38th time of asking.
Davis reeled off a breathtaking series of strokes as he scored a sublime 13 to lift his career average up to 2.378378378.
Mysteriously and unfairly spurned as a bowler of late by a succession of captains, Davis has grabbed the opportunity to reinvent himself as a stoical middle order bastion of blockage.
On a day where his fellow batsmen were flushed away by the opposition, Davis was the turd that would not be budged, stubbornly blocking up the u-bend and holding firm despite the best efforts of those to dislodge him.
He was the Clogger.
Davis has evidently taken careful note of the dot-collecting techniques employed by Offley's own peerless accumulator of scoreless deliveries, Jamie Cummins, otherwise known as Harry Dotter.
The results manifested themslef today and in the process Davis not only faced more deliveries than the number of boats that illegally crossed the English Channel today, he also faced more deliveries than any of his teammates.
50.
The man once known as Johnny In The Slot, and perhaps now more appropriately known as Johnny At The Block, resisted for 50 deliveries - more than any other Offley batsman today and more than England's openers managed in four innings between them in the test match at Edgbaston.
Harvesting dots and the occasional single, only a late boundary disfigured his innings.
Yet as this was the blow that finally took him to the promised land of the DFC, one suspects John wasn't too worried.
Davis found a willing ally in Ian Peterson as they launched a middle order salvage operation, chiselling out the occasional single and racking up the dots like a couple of quirky Jewish paedophiles jealously hoarding penny sweets instead of allowing any child to get their grubby hands on them.
Peterson resisted stoutly for 31 balls before his resistance was finally snuffed out for a priceless five singles.
Five innings into his Offley career and Peterson has yet to be bowled or caught.
Instead he has been run out and now owns a record that is never ever going to broken (possibly at any level of cricket) by being dismissed LBW four times in a row.
Most superheroes have a single weakness that leaves them open to attack and makes them vulnerable.
In the case of the mighty Padman, it is his tendency to plant his pad in front of middle stump and play all round a straight ball.
Elsehwere Cummins and James Barker both picked up a couple of wickets which should boost Cummins' single-minded quest for the MVP award at the end of September.
Jamie also deserves a big shout out for putting an end to his scoreless streak after three ducks in a row and notching his first runs since May.
He's scored both days this weekend.
Jordan Cooper took Offley past the 100 mark with a late flurry of runs while Extras played a stormer, weighing in with a priceless 34, leaving them to wonder what might have been if the batsmen had managed more than 79 between them.
The result leaves Offley clear of the relegation zone at the halfway stage of the season, a healthy 15-point buffer between them and crisis club Hexton in the battle for survival.
Offley still have two matches left to play against bottom-feeders Kempston who more than doubled their points tally for the season when their game against Hexton was abandoned.
Yet let nothing overshadow the achievements of John Davis today.
Today he finally joined the DFC and as Chesney Hawkes once said, not only is he the one and only, but you can't take that away from him.
Good stuff. I was amazed to read that I had scored as many as 5!
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