Skip to main content

The Worst Offley Batting Line-up In History? Maybe. The Worst Offley Batting Month In History? Probably

 


One of the great landmarks in cricket is to score 1000 first class runs before the end of May. 

Only eight men have reached the milestone (Bradman did it twice) and no one has done it since Graeme Hick in 1988.

This season Offley have got off to what might be politely termed a slow start - Stephen Hawking climbing Everest without assistance would have made swifter progress.

Seven matches have been played and six defeats have been racked up, including five out of five in the league.

Only a victory over the Shillington Spitfires has interrupted the run of losses.

Apropos of nothing, Shillington's nickname of the Spitfires is worth taking on board for the next time we rebrand.

Offley is named after King Offa, the man who ordered the construction of Offa's Dyke (Google it).

Consequently is it not time to jettison the lion logo in favour of a new inclusive 21st century image, the Offley Dykes, complete with a logo of two lipstick lesbians doing what Offley do best?

Going down....

Think of the funding opportunities.

Anyway, back to the cricket.

Needless to say no Offley batter has reached 1000 runs before the end of May.

More to the point no one has actually reached 100; James Barker leads the way with 85.

Steve Bexfield is the only man to have scored a half-century.

Rather shockingly in 59 trips to the crease Offley's batters have combined to score just 626 runs off the bat.

Actually that should be 625 runs but Jamie Cummins was awarded a pity run instead of a bye to ensure he finished 1 not out from 9 balls at the end of the innings instead of 0 not out.

As a result of this (although in fairness a risibly named bowling "attack" and a fielding unit that hasn't caught anything since Covid haven't helped much), Offley find themselves rock bottom of the Saracens League and one off the foot of the table in the Bedfordshire League.

It may be early days but if the writing is not to be daubed in the wall in huge letters by the end of June it's probably about time Offley's batters figured out it's not a crime to hit the ball off the square.

Although judging by how many of them have had their stumps rearranged so far, just hitting the sodding thing might be a useful start...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R Don Stiffs Offley

 OSCC, 133-4, lost to Flamstead, 136-5, by five wickets Less than twenty-four hours after Scott Boatwright came within a single blow of a maiden century and Offley's fielders dissolved in the rain by dropping eight catches out of ten, the sun set on another season in the semi-finals of the Hertfordshire Village Trophy. A team bearing little resemblance to the one that had qualified for the last four, one that had been ripped apart by anniversaries, weddings and holidays, produced a spirited performance with a lineup held together by children's prayers and angels' kisses, relying on the presence of the Great Samdani to add a little stardust to proceedings. Following a delayed start due to heavy overnight rain, Ben Wiles inevitably lost the toss and Offley were asked to bat first on a green pitch tinged with green. Richie Barker and Dan Goord opened the batting, reprising the 2024 final where they shared an epic stand of 1 and were both back in the hutch within two overs. Aft...
1 comment
Read more

Hats & Hat Tricks

  OSCC, 180-6, lost to Luton Town & Indians, 240-9, by 60 runs On a day where Shane Jones took a hat trick, two Offley batsmen walked off at the end with unbeaten half-centuries and Jamie Cummins sustained a torn hamstring that is certain to make him a slow-moving favourite among Tenerife's looky-looky men when he arrives on Wednesday (Jamie will be back on Sunday with his hair in cornrows, several Rolexes and a dozen pairs of sunglasses), there really is only one place to start. With Kaiz Ul-Haq's hat. Sporting a fantastic piece of millinery that made him look like a cross between Audery Hepburn and a slightly effete Indiana Jones and is available exclusively from Young Man at Roger's  as part of their Junior Arms Dealer Collection , Kaiz brought a touch of international panache to proceedings. Relegation-threatened Offley arrived at Potton to take on table-topping Luton and promptly lost the toss consigning them to an afternoon chasing leather in the sunshine. Had Cum...
Post a Comment
Read more

150 Not Out: Boat Aid II

It would be easy to write the usual stuff after a hectic three games in four days that have seen us fight our way through to another trip to finals day, storm up to fourth in the Herts League and move ever closer to the drop in the Beds, but truth be told after playing five games in nine days it hurts to type and I really can't be arsed. It wouldn't be fair to highlight Jamie's misadventures of the past few days which have seen him stung by a wasp, get out-sprinted by Roger before falling over and punching the ball for four (Roger had it covered Jamie, just like he told you - the moral of the story being you should always Rely on Roger...), fail to take a wicket in two fruitless spells and then fall down while bottling attempting a catch and having to watch and wave as it bounced over his head for a boundary while he was on the ground. If he'd been any more challenged in that moment he'd have qualified for PIP payments on the spot. These escapades and many more wil...
Post a Comment
Read more