This Is What You Wanted, This Is What You're Going To Get

According to at least three sources on Monday night - no more than two of whom were drunk - Offley & Stopsley Cricket Club were crying out for a new source of information, featuring match reports, player profiles and general insights into the cricket club.

Consequently anyone unhappy with this should please direct their displeasure in the direction of Messrs Pipenstock, Lunney & Haq.

Offley & Stopsley Cricket Club being what it is, an establishment not constructed on reliable dependable foundations (much like most of our batting performances) but more a four-pack of Budweiser, this is not intended to be particularly helpful or constructive.

In short, if you don't like your shortcomings being highlighted then try not to make as many mistakes in the first place.

If on the other hand you enjoy reading about cricket in its most inept form then there might be something here to whet your appetite...

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Wardy Still Hasn't Found What He's Looking For

OSCC, 128-9, lost to Royal Herts, 129-6, by four wickets Marc Ward returned to the side as Offley attempted to make it three wins on the spin in the Herts League. Unfortunately they ended up losing for the fourteenth time in a row under Wardy's illustirous leadership, slipping to a four-wicket defeat on a snot heap of a wicket. Ward won the toss and elected to bat before realising that his team did not necessarily contain a great deal of batting. The captain led the way with a valiant 30, an innings that ended to the last ball before drinks when he successfully steered a wide full toss gently into the hands of point, the dismissal ending a 39-run stand for the fourth wicket with Jamie Cummins. Ward reacted to his dismissal with a series of self-recriminations featuring bat throwing, helmet smashing and vocal flagellation, all worthy of the Old Testament. By that point Richie Barker (1), Marcus Townsend (6) and Ian Peterson (8) had already made the long walk back to the hutch. Resum...

The People's Champions

"We fight for lost causes because we know that our defeat and dismay may be the preface to our successors' victory." A day out that was confidently expected to end around lunchtime eventually drew to a close in the early evening as heavy underdogs, Offley & Stopsley C.C., otherwise known as the People's Champions, took their leave of Knebworth Park having reached the club's first final since 2008. Unquestionably no one was more surprised at making it through to the final than the team themselves, the semi-final victory prompting a flurry of hastily rearranged plans. Ultimately they were not victorious on the pitch - not exactly a shock as they were up against a side six divisions above them in the Saracens League, a gap that will be confirmed as eight divisions once the tables are finalised on Saturday night. Yet at the end of a torrid season where the club flag has been subjected to shot and shell, it was heartening to know it still fluttered defiantly in the...

The Triangle of Triumph

OSCC, 116-6, beat Shillington, 115-9, by four wickets OSCC, 174-6, beat Harpenden, 166 all out, by eight runs OSCC, 245-6, beat Hexton, 152 all out, by 93 runs Having started the season by losing six out of six - and conceding a seventh to boot - Offley kicked the season into life with a three-game sweep of assorted opponents. The week that began with the unfortunate Bus Wanka saga ended with the victory beers overflowing. Captain Roger Piepenstock secured the first win of the season against Shillington, having been elected to the position on the grounds of his patrician bearing and the fact he was the only one with a coin (a golden guinea presumably) to toss up. Manouvering his fielders with a combination of frantic arm-waving and polite requests one that conjured images of a pissed up usher at a garden party, Captain Piepenstock ensured Shillington were restricted to 115-9. Mark Kirkman and Shane Jones were the pick of the bowlers with three wickets apiece but there were also tw...

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