Skip to main content

DG TIPS

Hello!

Welcome to DG Tips with me, Dan Goord.

I'm delighted to tell you I'm being given a monthly opportunity throughout the season to share my thoughts on cricket with you.

As the captain of the club I've learnt a lot in my time and I can't wait to share my insights with you. For example I've enjoyed great success as a captain by throwing the ball to Azeem (to be honest I'm still working on a backup plan but when I have one, you'll be the first to know). 

I've also learnt about the important of being persistent. When 17 people make themselves unavailable for a fixture, don't allow yourself to be deterred. Crack on and find an 18th person to ask.

But captaincy and selection can wait for another installment of DG Tips.

Today I want to talk to you all about running between the wickets. More to the point about running other people out between the wickets.

The season is only young but already I've bagged a couple of stragglers. 

Being quicker than most I have a natural advantage when it comes to reaching safety.

However, speed is not enough. If you want to sell your partner down the river and ensure you're still standing while he's trudging off, don't be afraid to be indecisive with your calling.

"Yes! No! Shit!" is a very helpful call. 

If you can mumble the first two words incoherently it's even better!

Another top tip is to turn blindly for a second run, wait until you know your partner is coming and then swivel on a sixpence and scamper to safety while he's left high and dry in the middle of the pitch.

I employed this tactic - I call it Danny's Pivot - to stitch Boaty up at Aspley Guise. By the time the ball was on its way to the keeper's gloves I was safely entrenched at the bowler's end and poor Boaty was floundering in the middle like Chris Austin in a lycra top.

I can't give away all my secrets for surviving a run out - I'm already working on something special for Richie - but tune in again soon for more DG Tips!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taylor Swift To The Rescue As Offley Edge Home

  OSCC, 128-9, beat Kempston Hammers, 127 all out, by one wicket 24 hours after Syed Shah ran through London Colney like a dodgy kebab (kudos to the Kempston keeper for providing that one), Offley made it two from two in the Beds League as they staggered over the line at Kempston like Josh Scott finishing the London Marathon - coughing and spluttering but triumphant. Ben Wiles starred with bat and ball, Peter Gilkes carved the bowling to all parts with a match-turning innings, Matty Taylor dazzled in the field and Offley took the pitch with ten men before anyone realised they didn't have a wicketkeeper because Dan Goord hadn't arrived. The day began with Taylor answering a last-minute S.O.S. call.  Matty would be one of the first names on the sheet if he wanted to be but he prefers to play hard to get, a bit like a fat girl coquettishly pretending to turn down a third cheeseburger, sheltering behind the facade that he doesn't like cricket.  Like 10CC said, Matty doesn't...
Post a Comment
Read more

High Five

 OSCC, 135-8, beat Harpenden, 134-9, by 2 wickets & OSCC, 205-2, beat Cople Argus, 135 all out, by 70 runs Offley's impressive start to the season continued as they made it five league wins out of five at the weekend with victories over Harpenden and Cople Argus respectively. Marc Ward won the toss and inserted a young Harpenden side, a decision that didn't look overly brilliant at one stage as opening bowler Mo Khalid missed the first ten overs of the contest and wasn't eligible to bowl until after the drinks break. Although this was rather unhelpful it did ensure that neither of the two men who live closest to the ground, Roger Piepenstock and Ian Peterson, bore the customary shame of being the last to arrive. Fortunately the match marked the first game of the season for ageless stalwart Steve Denton, a man who can still remember where he was when Kennedy was shot. Denton shared the new ball with the Sultan of Sialkot, Sensational Syed Shah, as Offley strove for early...
Post a Comment
Read more

Gubbed

  OSCC, 117-9, lost to Sandridge, 121-2, by eight wickets 'Twas on the 21st of June To Lilley we did roam Some cunts had hired our ground out So we could not play at home Two of our players dropped out We prayed it wasn't so But one of them was Roger So 'twas not a mighty blow Bex and Gary saved us They answered the late call Though Gary looked uneasy Far from the bathroom stall The pessimists said, "Call it off!" They said we had no chance They said our odds were feeble Just like Johnny's batting stance It was the summer solstice The day that never ends Just like one of Jamie's overs Due to all the wides he sends The mercury hit thirty It was really fucking hot Just like dear old Bradders When he threw a punch at Scott Wardy was our captain He'd never won a game And when you're talking leadership That's not a claim to fame It goes without saying That Wardy lost the toss And soon we were out batting On a wicket full of moss The ball leapt round...
4 comments
Read more