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How To Bat Like Blind Cunts: Part 2

OSCC 87 all out (Tattersall 24) lost to Lutonians 164-8 (Kaiz Ul-Haq 3-24) by 77 runs 

This is Luke.


Today Luke is the face of Offley batsmen.

He is wearing a special hat to show that today he was the most special of the Specials. 

This isn't necessarily fair on Luke.

He wasn't the only one to bat like a complete div this weekend but someone's picture had to be used so here he is.

Offley wasted a chance to boost their promotion bid as they capitulated to Lutonians on a pitch that the opposition initially considered unfit for purpose (as we've noted before, if you don't want to play at the facilities available in Division Four then get better and get promoted - to be fair something Lutonians look like doing after today's debacle).

Scott Boatwright lost the toss but would have bowled anyway and soon unleashed his quick bowlers against the opposition openers as the visitors batted first on the terror track.

The three-pronged seam attack of Luke Munt, Jamie Cummins and Mark Tattersall sent down 23 relatively tidy overs between them without managing to take a wicket, although Cummins did drop a return catch and Munt and Tattersall had lbw shouts turned down.

Munt's was rejected on the grounds that the ball hit the batsman outside the off stump - a valid point but one that did not take into account the lack of a shot. An interesting piece of officiating that meant Munt was not rewarded for his marathon eight-over spell.

James Barker made the breakthrough with his first delivery at the start of the 17th over but by then the platform had been set for the middle order. 

The visitors passed the 100 mark and seemed set for a commanding total before Kaiz Ul Haq and Richie Barker claimed three wickets apiece in the closing overs as the opposition swung for the fences and didn't find them. 

Unfortunately Barker pulled his calf muscle for the second time this year and was more of a passenger than usual for the last couple of overs. Useless old sod. 

Cummins took one excellent catch in the outfield but took the gloss off it slightly by dropping an easier chance the next ball. 

Boatwright also took two catches but also dropped one and missed a stumping, one of which was tricky, one of which wasn't. Neither was particularly expensive in terms of runs although he was duly punished afterwards during the fines meeting.

When all was said and done Offley were set 165 to win and despite losing Josh Hook (8), Adam Ward led the way with an enterprising knock as Offley reached 35-1 after 12 overs.

The foundations had been laid and the opportunity to kick on to victory was there.

12 deliveries later the foundations had been dynamited and the scoreboard read 41-5.

Ward sparked the collapse as he guided a catch to backward point and was out for 19. Ward had played several glorious strokes and had briefly suggested that he did not belong in the Offley ranks. However, his aimless waft to the fielder made clear he is a true Offley batsman.

Desmond from Jesmond decided that attack - or wild swinging - was the best approach and played the same shot to the next four balls. He drilled the first into his foot, picked out a fielder with the second, launched the third over mid on and was bowled by the fourth.

James Barker was bowled for 6 before a useless slow wide pie ticked the score over to 42-4.

At least it would have done had Munt decided not to reach out and softly toe the ball to the fielder in the gully and make it 41-5. 

Munt described it as the worst dismissal of his career. 

He may not have been wrong.

Tattersall and Boatwright steadied the ship and ensured Offley reached drinks without further mishap. The pair had added 28 in seven drama-free overs before Boatwright contrived to get bounced out via his shoulder and departed for a gritty 4 as the ball floated to the man at point. 

Despite the disappointment the bold captain can take solace from the fact he boosted his league average to 3.20 and has now scored 16 runs from five innings. A big score is surely just around the corner.

Gary Davison picked out the only fielder within 80 yards at deep midwicket and Haq drove a return catch to the bowler.

Cummins played on to his first delivery for his first duck of the season before Tattersall was the last man out, caught in the deep for a defiant 24. 

Offley succumbed to 87 all out, going down to a rather comprehensive 77-run defeat as Lutonians took a firm grip at the top of the table with the Specials dropping to fourth ahead of next week's trip to Queen's Park.

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