Kings of Queens

 OSCC 123-9 (Hook 42) beat Queen's Park Westfield 119 all out (Lunney 4-20) by 1 wicket

Offley snapped a three-game losing skid and kept their Beds League promotion hopes alive with an epic one-wicket victory at Queens Park.

Preme Lala's first run for the club tied the game before Richie Barker pierced the field to seal victory with four balls remaining to spark the celebrations (and recriminations from the other side but we'll get to that in due course).

Things got off to a rocky start as a breakdown in communications between stand-in captain Barker and administrative administrator Darren Lunney led to Offley winning the toss and opting to bowl first on the hottest day of the year on a surface which seemed set to crumble from the off.

Having being intercepted by the opposition skipper before he had viewed the pitch (normally a standard practice) Lunney tossed up 150 yards from the middle which allowed him to do the walk of shame to where his team-mates were waiting.

After some forthright opinions had been expressed by the rank and file, Lunney was forced to walk round the boundary to the opposition camp and try and persuade them he'd changed his mind. 

As they were already struggling to put on their pads while rolling around with merriment, it was no great surprise when they rejected the chance to field. 

If bowling first was a decision to rank up there with Custer opting to attack at Little Bighorn, Lunney was soon spurred into action as he opened the bowling and had a strong LBW shout turned down first ball of the match.

Despite that he struck in his first over and mowed down four of the opposition in an eight-over burst that brought the Grey Ghost figures of 8-1-20-4 as Offley seized a grip on the game.

At the other end Ben Wiles caused consternation in the opposition ranks with a hostile spell that had batsmen calling for helmets.

Wiles also caused consternation in the slip cordon as he sent down a rapid wide seaming delivery that was intercepted by a shell-shocked captain at second slip, an injured calf preventing any chance of getting out of the way.

James Barker replaced Wiles and picked up two wickets, one with a decent ball and one with a wide leg side pie that the batsman obligingly swung at and missed and dislodged his own bails.

Offley were on top but could not dislodge the troublesome Ali. On a day in which his colleagues combined for 26 runs between them, Ali smashed an unbeaten 74, an innings of real class. He gave four chances, three in the closing stages, but it was an excellent knock.

Newcomer Amir Iqbal bowled nicely but came in for some rough treatment from Ali, the left-arm seamer showing a Qumaresque willingness to explore the middle of the track on a surface that cried out for the ball to be pitched up.

Preme picked up the seventh wicket before the captain decided he'd quite like to bowl at the rabbits and ran through the tail. In the process he had a stone dead LBW appeal turned down while int he melee Offley were also denied a run out because the square leg umpire wasn't watching.

Josh Hook rounded off the innings with a smart one-handed catch off the inside edge as Queen's Park were dismissed for 119. Ali finished unbeaten on 74 with the next highest score 7.

After 11 deliveries Ofley were flying at 18-0 as debutant Rehan Mehmood raced to 11 with a couple of cracking shots. Hurrah!

An inside edge curtailed his innings and the first wicket was down. Hurroo,

Wiles and Hook ground out a few runs before Wiles edged to slip to give Farooq his only reward for an excellent spell of 8-5-4-1.

Harry St John joined Hook and they added 15 before St John was bowled.

Kaiz Ul-Haq, Offley's Little Ali, was next in and quickly decided that he was going to play his shots. 

In other words Kaiz was going to do what he always does. 

This worked to real effect as he savaged an over of filthy loopy spin, plundering four boundaries to boost the run rate. He then hit one up in the air and was dropped before guiding one to point in the next over leaving Offley requiring 43 with six wickets.

Desmond Bateman also persevered with his shot a ball philosophy, a strategy that yielded a pair of singles before his stumps were rearranged. 

Prior to his innings Bateman revealed he has been looking at cricket bats and intends to buy one for himself when he reaches double figures for the first time. Sadly Sunday was not the day.

James Barker helped Hook add eight runs for the sixth wicket before he attempted to pull a yorker while Iqbal contributed a single to the cause before becoming the latest Offley batsman to miss a straight one as he aimed to leg.

Hook, outstanding throughout with the gloves and the bat, was batting beautifully on a difficult surface and he and Lunney had reduced the target to 24 when he contrived to back-heel the ball on to his stumps. It was the sort of sublime piece of skill his beloved Kalvin Phillips would have approved of but in a cricketing context it was not particularly welcome.

Hook's departure for 42 left Offley on the ropes at 96-8 as the captain hobbled out to join Lunney.

Queen's Park promptly opted for a second drinks break - interestingly we only had one - before hostilities resumed with 24 wanted from 10 overs. 

Barker was fairly confident he'd reduced the target to 20 when he launched one majestically over fine leg. Closer inspection revealed that despite it sounding sweet coming off the bat, it had in fact looped to mid on and he was set to depart without scoring before the fielder kindly spilled the chance.

The runs slowly began to come as the Queen's Park fielders surrounded the bat and the bowlers maintained testing lines and lengths. Lunney, currently regressing to the batting form of his youth which isn't what anyone wants to see, kept the opposition interested with a series of wafts, prods and pushes at deliveries outside off stump, none of which he came particularly close to touching. 

A boundary from a no ball brought five priceless runs as the Promised Land of 120 drew ever closer and the fielders became increasingly silent, that silence sporadically interrupted by increasingly desperate and optimistic shouts for LBW.

The partnership was worth 22, there were just two runs needed, when Lunney unfurled a vintage cover drive and sliced a catch to cover. 

118-9.

The batsmen crossed and Barker resolved to end the game with one blow, a blow that would send the ball soaring over midwicket. All well and good but it might have been more helpful if he'd hit the ball and not got his leg in the way. 

Umpire Wiles was subjected to some hysterical appeals for a delivery that was sliding past the off stump by at least the width of a gnat's cock. The appeal was turned down but it left Preme, yet to score a run for the club, on strike for the final over.

It's fair to say he was not bursting with confidence but a single from the first ball, a sweetly timed clip off the pads, tied the scores and prompted raucous cheers from the boundary.

Preme may well go on to score dozens of runs for the club but none will be more priceless or memorable than the first.

As the sun set and the aroma from the weed-smokers in a distant corner wafted across the ground, Barker's curls danced in the breeze like a young Errol Flynn (Seriously, who writes this shit?) as the final delivery of the match arrived.

At first glance it looked like a leg-side half-volley and then it pitched and ragged and headed for middle stump, only to find willow instead as the ball was redirected to the midwicket boundary to spark wild scenes of celebration as Offley claimed their most dramatic victory since the days when Corona was simply a beer and not a virus. 

Offley emerged as the Kings of Queens, leaving them to head back to base to celebrate with some well-deserved beers, while the recriminations lingered long over Queens Park, notably the Freeman-like tirade that after having seven appeals turned down (Seven!) one bowler was never going to play for the club again unless they complained to the league about the unfairness of it all.

As Stevie Nicks once said, sometimes it's a bitch, sometimes it's a breeze. 

And sometimes you win by one wicket and really don't give a flying fuck about anything else.