Skip to main content

Player Profile #5: Desmond Bateman

 


The long-running recruitment slogan of the United States Marine Corps states, "We're looking for a few good men."

Offley's recruitment policy is simply concerned with recruiting a few men to plug the gaps in the ranks. They don't have to be any good and in that regard Desmond Bateman has fitted seamlessly into the line up.

Desmond from Jesmond has had limited opportunities to make his mark in his debut season and the highlight of his career came at Steppingley when he and Jamie Cummins produced a true moment of village cricket brilliance and ran four on a ball that had originally gone through to the wicketkeeper before an avalanche of overthrows ensued.

Technically his finest moment came with a magnificent catch on the boundary - unfortunately this catch was taken by someone else who happened to be playing under the alias of Desmond Bateman so he can't really claim that for himself. 

Nominally a batsman, Des hasn't quite hit the heights he had hoped for with the bat and his policy of playing the same shot to every ball regardless of where it pitches has been shown to have one or two flaws. 

Partly due to this approach Des has thus far failed to reach double figures (although he did impress in the Offley Sixes) and he has a top score of 9. 

Nonetheless he has vowed to buy a bat to celebrate when he makes 10 for the first time.

In the field Des has shown himself to be enthusiastic and committed. 

Up to a point. 

He has also shown a certain reluctance to get his hands in the way of hard-stuck balls, a reluctance that has earned him the nickname of Dezzie the Lezzie because they're not keen on balls either.

He has not had many chances to show his prowess with the ball and is still awaiting his first wicket.

Last time he bowled he ended the game with a wide from his only delivery. 

On the plus side his return of 0.0-0-1-0 are his best figures to date.

Did You Know: Des once broke more bones in a moped crash than he has scored in an innings for Offley

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R Don Stiffs Offley

 OSCC, 133-4, lost to Flamstead, 136-5, by five wickets Less than twenty-four hours after Scott Boatwright came within a single blow of a maiden century and Offley's fielders dissolved in the rain by dropping eight catches out of ten, the sun set on another season in the semi-finals of the Hertfordshire Village Trophy. A team bearing little resemblance to the one that had qualified for the last four, one that had been ripped apart by anniversaries, weddings and holidays, produced a spirited performance with a lineup held together by children's prayers and angels' kisses, relying on the presence of the Great Samdani to add a little stardust to proceedings. Following a delayed start due to heavy overnight rain, Ben Wiles inevitably lost the toss and Offley were asked to bat first on a green pitch tinged with green. Richie Barker and Dan Goord opened the batting, reprising the 2024 final where they shared an epic stand of 1 and were both back in the hutch within two overs. Aft...

Taylor Swift To The Rescue As Offley Edge Home

  OSCC, 128-9, beat Kempston Hammers, 127 all out, by one wicket 24 hours after Syed Shah ran through London Colney like a dodgy kebab (kudos to the Kempston keeper for providing that one), Offley made it two from two in the Beds League as they staggered over the line at Kempston like Josh Scott finishing the London Marathon - coughing and spluttering but triumphant. Ben Wiles starred with bat and ball, Peter Gilkes carved the bowling to all parts with a match-turning innings, Matty Taylor dazzled in the field and Offley took the pitch with ten men before anyone realised they didn't have a wicketkeeper because Dan Goord hadn't arrived. The day began with Taylor answering a last-minute S.O.S. call.  Matty would be one of the first names on the sheet if he wanted to be but he prefers to play hard to get, a bit like a fat girl coquettishly pretending to turn down a third cheeseburger, sheltering behind the facade that he doesn't like cricket.  Like 10CC said, Matty doesn't...

Gubbed

  OSCC, 117-9, lost to Sandridge, 121-2, by eight wickets 'Twas on the 21st of June To Lilley we did roam Some cunts had hired our ground out So we could not play at home Two of our players dropped out We prayed it wasn't so But one of them was Roger So 'twas not a mighty blow Bex and Gary saved us They answered the late call Though Gary looked uneasy Far from the bathroom stall The pessimists said, "Call it off!" They said we had no chance They said our odds were feeble Just like Johnny's batting stance It was the summer solstice The day that never ends Just like one of Jamie's overs Due to all the wides he sends The mercury hit thirty It was really fucking hot Just like dear old Bradders When he threw a punch at Scott Wardy was our captain He'd never won a game And when you're talking leadership That's not a claim to fame It goes without saying That Wardy lost the toss And soon we were out batting On a wicket full of moss The ball leapt round...