Skip to main content

Player Profile #7: Josh Hook

 

Cool.

Calm.

Collected.

Not three words you generally associate with Offley's Mr Angry, Josh Hook.

Well, maybe collected because he does like to be picked up whenever possible.

The Boy With The Shit Tattoo came through the youth ranks under the expert tutelage of Darren Lunney and has been scoring runs for the Offley first team for over a decade. 

Hook has now racked up over 6000 runs to rank fifth in the all-time standings and in a team littered with fading stars, has-beens and never-will-bes, he is invariably the candidate most likely to get to 20.

Despite not owning a bat - something not generally associated with most leading batsmen - Hook's determination and idiosyncratic technique have helped him score four centuries - he is one of the club';s youngest-ever centurions alongside Mark Tattersall - while he has also added 30 half-centuries. 

Hook currently has a timeshare arrangement with Lunney where he borrows his mentor's bat and holds him responsible for any failures that may accrue if Lunney is remiss enough not to have ensured it is available for Hook's use.

Additionally Hook has taken 170 wickets, including a career-best 6-38, with his medium pace offerings, offerings that are invariably delivered with the sort of grunting noise a female hippopotamus makes in the final stages of labour.

He is also an outstanding wicketkeeper, especially when standing up behind the stumps.

Hook's devotion to the club is legendary and he makes no secret of the fact that he'd kiss the badge if he actually owned an Offley shirt. 

Indeed Hook would have scored even more runs for the club had it not been for his "cooling off periods" representing Lilley and Hexton.

He would also have scored more runs if his speed between the wicket was not reminiscent of a hamstrung penguin.

While his passion can never be questioned, a Hook temper tantrum is never far from the surface and he is now the guardian of the flame first lit by Colin Keeley and subsequently carried with reverence by Matthew Freeman.

Over the years Hook has feuded with captains, colleagues, opponents, umpires and has even been known to threaten his own shadow. 

While he may not share quite the same attitude to the pain barrier that Freeman displayed (that it is a barrier to be gingerly negotiated rather than heroically burst through), Hook can be a little fragile on occasion. 

Occasionally prone to mystery injuries, unspecified illnesses and a frequent need to poo whenever he's meant to be getting his pads on (all traits that he inherited from Freeman), Hook tends to disappear down the order at times much to the despair of his captains. 

Comfortably the most heavily fined player in club history, Hook's ink has played a vital role in funding the end of season curry night. 

To some it's a shit tattoo. 

To others it's an extra bottle of Cobra.

Did You Know: Josh once lost a race against Luke Munt. I won't say it wasn't close but watching Hook trail in Munt's wake was like watching a white man trying to keep up in the final of the 100 metres at the Olympics. For the only time in his life Munt resembled a black man 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

BOAT AID

  It's not a secret. Everybody knows. League runs have been hard for Scott Boatwright to come by this season. Seven innings. 18 runs. Top score 6 (Before Dan ran him out - to be fair he did say he was going to get runs that day). Average 2.57. It's been hard going. But you can help. Because in 2021 it's not about orphans, or the homeless, or the starving, or about saving the rain forests. It's about Boat Aid. If everyone can find it in their hearts to pledge just one run to the cause we can really make a difference. Umpires - if the ball hits Boaty on the pads and the batsmen go through for a single, don't signal leg byes.  Give that run to Boat Aid. Scorers - if there's a bye or even a wide, don't be so quick to mark it down in the extras.  Can you not find a way to add it to Scott's tally to help him reach his goal of 100 league runs this season? Fellow batters - when batting with Boaty, can you not push for that second run to boost the Boat Aid total?

Player Profile #2: Mark Tattersall

  Once upon a time Mark Tattersall was young, reckless and mobile. These days he is older, wiser and more responsible and to be honest his mobility is of the kind customarily associated with scooters.  Over the years he has made the transformation from young tearaway to elder statesman and is now the chairman of Offley & Stopsley Cricket Club. Let that percolate for a moment; Mark Tattersall is our moral compass. Mark has also demonstrated a flair for organisation that has resulted in tours all around the world and is the brains behind the club's annual money spinner, the Offley Sixes. In a sense he has become the new Simon Warrington. That observation should impress him about as much as asking him to wear a Tottenham shirt. Just as at closing time at the bar he is invariably closing in on a double Jack Daniel's Honey, on the pitch he is closing in on the double of 5000 runs and 300 wickets. The youngest player in club history to score a century, Tattersall's batting re