Skip to main content

Player Profile #8: Kaiz Ul-Haq

 



An aggressive all-rounder with an eye for a Mars Bar, Kaiz Ul-Haq, made his debut for Offley in 2019.

He was introduced to the club by former fast bowler turned rapper C.J. McIlveen. 

If C.J. was the mentor, Kaiz was the protege, the Lil' Kim to C.J.'s Notorious B.I.G. 

Kaiz's first two years at the club were relatively inauspicious - Lil' Kim might reasonably have expected to make a bigger impact with bat and ball.

Actually those first two seasons aspired to being classed as highly as inauspicious. 

In fact they were spectacularly awful.

Kaiz batted 16 times in his first two seasons. 

In that period he amassed eight ducks and mustered just 60 runs at an average of 5.00, failing to even reach double figures until his second season.

After narrowly losing out in 2019 to Scott Boatwright, Kaiz claimed the Duck Award in 2020 on countback. 

There would appear to be a reasonable chance of history repeating itself in 2021 but there's still a long way to go; for one thing Matty Taylor is making a comeback next week.

If bowlers regarded Kaiz as a walking wicket, someone to be welcomed to the crease and then promptly sent back to the pavilion, batsmen were delighted to see his introduction into the attack.

Eight wickets at 56.37 did not suggest great things, nor did a propensity to be launched into the trees every over.

However, over the course of the winter and lockdown Kaiz reinvented himself, electing to bulk up in a bid to clear point rather than just slicing catches to the infield. 

Casting aside the influence of his former mentor, Offley's Lil' Kim rebranded himself as Lil' Ali with spectacular results. 

Having started eating pies and stopped bowling them, Lil' Ali has already claimed 15 wickets in 2021 and has established himself as part of the infamous Unholy Trinity of Spin. Despite some fairly unhelpful early season conditions Kaiz, James and Richie Barker have already shared 50 wickets between them.

Kaiz has also shown significant improvement with the bat and if he is never destined to be mistaken for the Master Blaster, the Bangor Banger (Lil' Ali hopes to attend Bangor University) has shown the benefits of bulking up.

Even if his last two dismissals were both caught at point.

He already has a career high score this year - an innings that helped plunder victory at Queens Park when he was dropped at point before being caught at point - and has made more runs in 2021 than in 2019-20 combined.

Bowlers might not yet be trembling at the prospect of encountering the Haq Attack but there's no doubting Lil' Ali's ability to clear the ropes.

Kaiz has made clear his contempt for the concept of the forward defensive shot (in comparison to Kaiz's flailing flashing blade, that other free swinger, Desmond from Jesmond, looks like Chris Austin) and is at his best when attempting to bring down satellites. 

His fielding remains a work of progress and it's not clear where he will end up - possibly at first slip if his waistline maintains its current expansion strategy along the lines of Inzamam Ul-Haq proportions. 

For the moment it is only fair and accurate to point out that as of June 21, 2021, Kaiz has as many catches to his credit as he has ducks (10).

Did You Know: Lil' Ali does not appreciate being called Lil' Ali.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

R Don Stiffs Offley

 OSCC, 133-4, lost to Flamstead, 136-5, by five wickets Less than twenty-four hours after Scott Boatwright came within a single blow of a maiden century and Offley's fielders dissolved in the rain by dropping eight catches out of ten, the sun set on another season in the semi-finals of the Hertfordshire Village Trophy. A team bearing little resemblance to the one that had qualified for the last four, one that had been ripped apart by anniversaries, weddings and holidays, produced a spirited performance with a lineup held together by children's prayers and angels' kisses, relying on the presence of the Great Samdani to add a little stardust to proceedings. Following a delayed start due to heavy overnight rain, Ben Wiles inevitably lost the toss and Offley were asked to bat first on a green pitch tinged with green. Richie Barker and Dan Goord opened the batting, reprising the 2024 final where they shared an epic stand of 1 and were both back in the hutch within two overs. Aft...

Taylor Swift To The Rescue As Offley Edge Home

  OSCC, 128-9, beat Kempston Hammers, 127 all out, by one wicket 24 hours after Syed Shah ran through London Colney like a dodgy kebab (kudos to the Kempston keeper for providing that one), Offley made it two from two in the Beds League as they staggered over the line at Kempston like Josh Scott finishing the London Marathon - coughing and spluttering but triumphant. Ben Wiles starred with bat and ball, Peter Gilkes carved the bowling to all parts with a match-turning innings, Matty Taylor dazzled in the field and Offley took the pitch with ten men before anyone realised they didn't have a wicketkeeper because Dan Goord hadn't arrived. The day began with Taylor answering a last-minute S.O.S. call.  Matty would be one of the first names on the sheet if he wanted to be but he prefers to play hard to get, a bit like a fat girl coquettishly pretending to turn down a third cheeseburger, sheltering behind the facade that he doesn't like cricket.  Like 10CC said, Matty doesn't...

Dotting Davis's Defiantly Dogged Determination Delays Dispiriting Defeat

  O SCC, 113-8, lost to MK Warriors, 171-8, by 58 runs Since the dawn of time man has sought to take on fresh challenges and scale new heights. Man has walked on the moon. Everest has been conquered. The 10-second barrier for the 100 metres has been shattered. Americans elected a massive orange twat as President.  Twice. Britain elected a gormless, unprincipled and spineless dipshit as Prime Minister.  So far only once but let's see where we are in another four years. Marc Ward won a game as captain. And yet as Sinead O'Connor might have put it, nothing compares 2 u, John Davis, on finally joining the Offley Double Figures Club (DFC) at just the 38th time of asking. Davis reeled off a breathtaking series of strokes as he scored a sublime 13 to lift his career average up to 2.378378378. Mysteriously and unfairly spurned as a bowler of late by a succession of captains, Davis has grabbed the opportunity to reinvent himself as a stoical middle order bastion of blockage. On a ...