Player Profile #16: Ben Wiles

Few things in cricket are as terrifying as standing at slip while Harry Kane's brother by another mother, Ben Wiles, charges into bowl.

It is a sickening experience as you watch the ball pitch a yard wide of off stump before it swings dramatically and locks on to the target area in the middle of your chest.

Evasive action is out of the question and there's no option but to try and parry it to the best of your ability.

Ben "Missed By" Wiles has struck again.

In fairness to Missed By - and to whoever has the misfortune to be standing at slip and gully - Offley aren't used to having bowlers who can get the ball up above shin height, let alone shoulder height.

When he's on song, batsmen have no place to hide.

His 5 for 11 against Northampton Exiles improved on his previous best figures of 4-23 and single-handedly gave Offley a fighting chance of not finishing bottom in the Saracens League.

However, when the radar malfunctions (as against Eversholt) it tends to go wrong in a big way and if one discards his two best spells for the club, the rest of his wickets have come at a cost of over 50, aided and abetted, it must be said, by a slip cordon who would soon as shit themselves as try and hold on to an edge.

Ben differs in technique to most other Offley batters in as far as he actually possesses one.

An accomplished player of both front and back foot, Wiles has the ability to score in areas that most of his teammates can only achieve via an edge of one sort or another.

He began the season with a match-winning 84 not out against old rivals Lilley, an innings that included four boundaries in as many balls off venerable seamer James Ashby, an indignity that has rarely befallen that celebrated old stager.

Blessed with a cannon arm and a reliable pair of hands, Wiles only tends to drop catches when he decides they're too easy and do not offer him a worthy challenge.

Did You Know: Ben (third from left) was part of the UK's first ever Nude Synchronised Waving Team.

Comments

Taylormade Triumph

OSCC, 164-8, beat Eaton Bray, 94 all out, by 70 runs Said Boaty unto Matty "It looks like you're the fatty" "It's weight of runs that matter And I'm the better batter" And so they staged a duel To see if weight would conquer all Boaty went out first And if not quite at his worst He scratched around a bit And really looked quite shit He played and missed a lot The inside edge was his best shot Then an Offley wicket fell And Matty heard the bell His breasts were seen to jiggle As he marched out to the middle His arse dragging in his wake The result of eating so much cake Off the mark was Taylor swift He gave the run rate a quick lift And while Boaty joined the dots Matty T played all the shots The runs began to flow Though the running was quite slow They spread the field for Taylor He had no fear of failure He smashed the ball for four Then he smashed a couple more But soon was breathing hard Though he'd barely run a yard Then at the other end Boaty ...

#WardyOut

OSCC, 181-4, beat Old Albanians, 154-9, by 27 runs It might have taken a while but on a day where skipper Marc Ward was absent in a bid to seduce Snow White along with six similarly diminutive accomplices, Offley finally found a way to win a game. Perhaps it was because Old Albanians were even more hopeless than Offley; perhaps because even a blind squirrel sometimes finds an acorn and on this day Dan Goord located the middle of the bat; and perhaps the addition of Ben Southgate, someone who clearly knows what he is doing, combined to lead Offley to their first league victory of the season. For some reason Offley, a team who can at times consider themselves fortunate to play on a needle-strewn, dog-shit littered, pikey-infested council wasteland, found themsleves playing on one of the premier venues in Hertfordshire and raised their game accordingly. They might have found a way to drop eight catches (in fairness only four players shelled a catch but each of them compensated by dr...

The Darkest Day

OSCC 189-8 beat Bedford 107 all out by 82 runs And so it came to pass on Sunday September 3rd, 2023, that the curse of Captain Scott was fulfilled as Scott Boatwright's men joined Josh Scott's hapless crew in taking the relegation plunge. After 26 years of cricket as Offley & Stopsley CC, the 2023 vintage have achieved what no one else could, or have indeed really come close to. The Double Dip. Offley headed into the game having lost 15 of their past 17 Beds League games dating back to the end of last season. Despite including four TCWs (Two Club Wankers) in Ben Wiles, James Barker, Kaiz Ul Haq and Little Man of Many Cubs himself, Rehaan Samdani, Offley failed to stay up despite inflicting a crushing defeat on Bedford, the one team in the division inept enough to finish below us. Kaiz made his highest score for the club, registering his first league 50 and top-scoring with 56. Wiles made 31 and Barker did what Barker does, namely running amok amid the tail like a ...

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