Paper Doesn't Play Games

 OSCC 134-3 (Richie Barker 63*) beat Aspley Guise 133-4 (Vaidya 1-15) by 7 wickets 

One of the weakest teams - on paper - ever to take the field on behalf of Offley & Stopsley Cricket Club pulled off a stunning victory against Aspley Guise to seal another season of Division Four cricket in the Bedfordshire League. 

As a wise man once said, paper doesn't play games.

After losing five in a row and capitulating for 50 at Langford, Scott Boatwright's team produced a stunning backs to the wall performance. 

Boatwright's team might have lacked the star power of Dan Goord's All World All Stars after the side had been systematically asset-stripped to boost the Saturday team's hopes of survival but they made up for it in spirit. 

It was a victory for faith against the odds, for camaraderie, for inspirational leadership, for realising if you're batting at the end of the innings you don't need to get the ropes in, and for a willingness to look defeat in the eye and tell it, just this once, to fuck off.

Perhaps most of all it was a victory for finding a team even more prone to dropping crucial chances than ourselves. 

Boatwright won the toss and opted to bowl first and Offley quickly gained the initiative. They absolutely dominated the opening eight deliveries of the contest, refusing to yield a single run before the heavens opened and the teams were forced from the pitch.

Some time later - after the team's elder statesmen had played a leisurely game of bowls, much like Drake did before facing the Spanish Armada - the teams returned for a 28-over contest.

Sanket Vaidya struck the crucial blow as he coaxed Aspley kingpin Ben Savage into driving loosely to cover where Kaiz Ul-Haq took an assured catch. 

Vaidya bowled a fine five-over opening spell and conceded more runs from extras (8 wide) than he did off the bat (5). Jamie Cummins went for just 15 off his five overs as the visitors failed to make much headway in the early stages. 

Aspley gained some momentum as the innings wore on but were never able to break away as the remaining bowlers kept it relatively tight.

The fielders did their best, although in some cases it wasn't necessarily much of a best.

Richie Barker maintained his shameful record of dropping every chance to come his way this year off anyone's bowling bar his own as he was unable to hold on to a difficult chance in the deep. Slow to pick it up off the bat, he was subsequently slow to move, slow to run, slow to dive and finally slow to get up as the chance went begging.

Roger Piepenstock flew through the air like a human cannonball as he dived for a catch and ended up clutching nothing but fresh air and also his leg after contriving to cut it open on the only pebble littering the lush outfield. 

It was a slightly disappointing debut for Piepenstock's sparkling new Kookaburra boots. Peter Gilkes was also resplendent in new Kookaburra footwear (albeit ones that had been nibbled by mice) and one can only marvel at the masterstroke by Kookaburra's rivals to kit Gilkes and Piepenstock out in Kookaburra. 

Chalk one up for the marketing men at Gunn & Moore and Gray Nicolls. 

Boatwright missed a sharp catch at the wicket but Ul-Haq cast a positive light on the fielding display with a sprawling catch at midwicket before Matty Taylor unleashed a bullet throw from the deep to run out Dawson for 66.

Aspley Guise closed on 133-4 from their 28 overs.

Having been dismissed for 50 the previous week there was some understandable trepidation in the ranks as Offley began their reply.

Boatwright and Richie Barker opened, the captain leading from the front and the latter showing a welcome break with tradition by for once doing what he was asked.

The start was nearly disastrous. Boatwright was dropped on 0, after he spooned a simple chance to point. He survived a strong shout for LBW before scoring and finally got off the mark when he was beaten all ends up by a delivery that beat the bat, the stumps and the keeper and went for two byes, runs that Umpire Taylor graciously awarded to Boat Aid. 

That spurred the plucky skipper into action and with Barker hitting the occasional boundary the pair batted through to drinks, posting Offley's third 50-partnership of the weekend.

Boatwright fell in the first over after the break, slicing the ball straight up in the air as the partnership was broken after a 60-run stand.

The captain made 24 and one can only be impressed by the manner in which he has turned his season around since the launch of the Boat Aid campaign back in June.

The game turned on the next delivery as James Barker slapped his first ball to midwicket and was dropped.

Shortly after Richie Barker smeared a cut shot to the lone fielder on the deep cover boundary, yet despite not having to move a millimetre the catch went to ground.

James Barker offered another chance that went down and the runs then began to flow.

In the case of the elder Barker some of the runs flowed rather too unwillingly as he was required to run a pair of threes on the younger Barker's behalf. 

He almost returned the favour by calling for a very tight single that brought him his 50 but on another day would have left James five yards short of his ground.

The 50-partnership was posted (four 50 stands in a single weekend - otherwise known as a season's worth) and Aspley Guise heads - along with the catches - dropped as the pair added 73.

Offley needed nine to win from three overs and James Barker prepared to end it in style as he hit consecutive boundaries. He was then bowled for 37 attempting to hit a third. 

JD replaced JB as John Davis walked to the crease with the opportunity to hit the winning runs for the first time. Alas it was not to be as he sliced his second ball to gully and departed without scoring.

Ul-Haq entered to hit the winning run, smearing it majestically over mid on, leaving Barker unbeaten on 63 and Offley victors by seven wickets. 

On reflection it was one of the more remarkable victories in Offley history and capped a golden weekend for the club.

Two matches, two wins, 22 different players.

At our exalted level it really doesn't get much better.

The beer was good too - cracking drop Pravha.