The Australian fast bowler Rodney Hogg once described England captain Mike Brearley as the bloke with the degree in people on account of his ability to motivate and get the best out of a wide range of individuals.
In contrast Dan Goord is perhaps the bloke with the F-Grade GCSE in people on account of his ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person.
Nothing can make a bowler feel happier at making an important breakthrough than to have his captain pipe up with the encouraging comment that, "Shit takes wickets!"
Goord has few rivals in his field and one day plans to release his autobiography provisionally entitled How to Lose Friends and Piss off Acquaintances.
Goord arrived at the club in 2014 and is closing in on 3000 runs for the club. By the end of the 2021 season Goord had amassed 2795 runs for Offley and ranked 11th on the list of all-time run scorers for the club.
And yet anyone who has seen Goord in action will know that the tally should be higher and so should the average (23.48).
It may be unfair to suggest that Goord has a propensity to self-harm while at the crease but he has definitely shown certain self-destructive tendencies while in the middle.
Whether it's smashing the ball into his own stumps (as he did on debut), getting caught out by a girl (as he did to end curtail his only century for the club), running himself or his partner out (which he has done at a variety of grounds) or simply doing something remarkably cuntish when well set, Goord has never shied away from making things difficult for himself.
Blessed with a ferocious square cut, he scores the majority of his runs by flaying the ball away over and through the off side.
The square cut is undoubtedly Goord's favourite shot, so much so that he invariably looks to play some version of it to every delivery, regardless of line or length. While he throws everything into the square cut - including the kitchen sink, his heart and soul and anything else he can muster - he does not always connect to any great effect.
Or at all, come to think of it.
The sound of leather on willow may be one of the most enchanting in cricket yet the sound of Goord swishing and missing outside off stump like some sort of special-needs Zorro is one that all observers of Offley cricket are familiar with.
He displays tremendous pace between the wickets and runs like a greyhound. Unfortunately he sometimes runs like a greyhound chasing after the wrong rabbit and has shown the tendency to barbecue himself or his partner with aplomb.
His performance at Aspley Guise in 2021 represented the zenith (or nadir, depending on how one views these things) when he kippered his skipper with unerring precision, stranding Scott Boatwright by about nine yards in one of the great run outs in Offley history.
A flamboyant fielder with the ability to pull off amazing catches and cover huge swathes of ground in the covers, Goord is occasionally prone to the odd clanger. Despite that he catches more than he drops and at that level that trait marks him out as elite.
He is perhaps less than elite on those occasions when he dons the gloves behind the stumps. On those days plain old Dan Goord gives way to his alter ego - Bye Machine - and the smart money goes on Extras finishing up as top scorer for the opposition.
Although Goord has taken wickets for the club, to describe him as a bowler would be akin to describing Diane Abbott as a stunningly beautiful woman - not necessarily accurate.
A bit like Dan's bowling to be honest....
As a captain he enjoyed some great days, days that could be summed up by the mantra It Takes Azeem's Work to make this Team Work, as Offley carried all before them to win Division 8B of the Saracens League in 2018.
Unfortunately once Azeem moved on to pastures green (he went to Hexton - of course it was green), Captain Dan was left to carry the can as his reign ended with relegation at the end of 2021.
The low point - and there were a few last year - perhaps occurred at Shenley. Goord won the toss on a belter, panicked and opted to bowl on the grounds he had not expected to win the toss. Offley subsequently lost a heartbreaking contest by 138 runs, a defeat that if not necessarily a fitting epitaph for his time in charge certainly set the coffin lid on his captaincy.
Restored to the ranks (albeit as vice-captain under Captain Scott) the King of the Cut will be back in 2022 as he looks to concentrate on his batting and add that elusive second century to his collection while doing his utmost to avoid unfortunate accidents between the wickets.
Some hope.....
Did You Know: Dan Goord is an anagram of Odd Organ.
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