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Tales of a Teenage Terrace Tearaway



The cricket season may be getting into full swing and England may have a new captain, coach and whatever it is that Rob Key is called but there's no escaping the fact that football violence is hogging the headlines and the back pages. 

These are dark days for the people's game.

Unfortunately for OSCC there is an overlap.

Because one of our own is both capable of terrorising opposition batsmen (when he actually manages to land the ball on the strip at any rate) and causing carnage, confusion and chaos among opposition football fans.

That elderly youth is of course none other than Jamie Cummins. 

The link below illustrates just what devastation Cummins is capable of when the red mist descends.

Offley & Stopsley Cricket Club (@OSCricketClub) / Twitter

On the cricket field Jamie Lad is a force of nature, chugging into the crease like an enthusiastic young librarian pushing a heavy trolley of books to spray the ball optimistically towards the batsman's stumps. 

Or, occasionally, a hapless fielder at second slip.

Yet when it comes to football, Jamie is simply "The General", an unchained animal capable of spraying opposition fans with invective and police officers with disdain and disrespect. 

Jamie has been all over the country following his team.

While other fans group together to sing their battle cries and war chants, Jamie is a one-man army who goes his own way.

It's common knowledge among football fans across the land that whenever Jamie is involved it's a case of No Cummins, No Goings.

When Luton Town visited Cardiff this season, most Hatters fans contented themselves with watching the match, burning the odd dragon flag and making sheep noises at the home crowd.

Not Jamie.

He passed up the football and stormed Cardiff Castle, joining a guided tour of the castle before planting his Luton flag atop the battlements and claiming it in the name of the Queen and Mick Harford.

Bloodshed and violence and perhaps even war between England and Wales was only averted when 72-year old castle tour guide Bronwyn Thomas threatened to phone the General's mum and forced him to retreat.

There are other examples of Jamie unleashing havoc.

No away fan will visit Kenilworth Road without the safety of a police escort for fear they might be ambushed in the passes and ravines of Bury Park by Cummins' commando tactics. 

The fields of Culloden, Bosworth and Hastings have seen plenty of men fall and blood spilled but few have seen as much destruction and desolation as Beech Path after a Cummins assault. 

It's rumoured the football club have to employ a couple of extra workers the day after every home match to sweep away the blood and bones.

At Blackpool he threatened to seize the tower and turn off the illuminations before he was appeased by frantic officials with the offer of ice cream and a donkey ride on the beach. 

At Fulham he joined the flotilla of supporters sailing down the Thames, echoing the Royal Marines' mantra of being the first to land and the last to leave. 

Jamie was indeed the last Luton fan to leave Craven Cottage that night but only because he'd launched a reckless one-man infiltration and gone undercover in the Fulham end and couldn't make his way to the exit while the Fulham fans celebrated.

At Huddersfield he was all set to lead the pitch invasion at the end of the game when Luton had secured their place at Wembley.

Unfortunately not only did the result go against the Hatters but the General also sustained an ankle injury as he warmed up for the invasion by practicing climbing over chairs, an injury that has caused him to miss the trip to Pinner on Saturday leaving OSCC to go with ten.

MIG down, as it were.

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