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The Elite Singles Emergency Hotline

 


Heading into July Offley find themselves in the familiar territory of mid-table obscurity. 

It's not out of the question that a flurry of poor results could see them force their way into the relegation dogfight at the bottom of the Saracens League while last Sunday's defeat to cellar dwellers may well have deep-sixed any hopes of a promotion push in the Beds League.

Finals day is admittedly only a game away in the Village Trophy but for the moment that's still an outlier on the horizon.

And yet as we reach the height of summer, one batsman is gunning for glory, chasing a record that has never been achieved in the club's 25 years.

Years ago Rizwan Hamid, a byword for batting blobs, notched four ducks in a row, ultimately finishing his career with 24 ducks in 75 innings. He did once make 42 before being run out in some style by Nathan Brodie but them's the breaks.

Kieran Maher, the finest duck wrangler in Offley history, failed to score 11 times in 2013 but he generally found a way to get off the mark every couple of weeks and once somehow managed to score 34.

It's not really fair to say that Rizwan's record is in grave danger because it has in fact just been equaled. 

Rizwan now has company in the exclusive Audi Lounge.


More to the point Rizwan's record is now on the point of being eclipsed (potentially obliterated) by a man with an eye on history. 

John Davis is on the cusp of immortality, one ring away from his own personal Olympic achievement.


Currently his record is four ducks from four trips to the middle, a return that has seen his career mark 'improve' to 9 ducks from 19 innings and his average 'plummet' from 2.93 at the start of the season to 2.31.

There's no doubt that John has worked hard on his batting. 

His dismissal pattern this year reflects that. 

Each time he has been dismissed, he has gone away and rectified that fault and ensured that he won't be out that way next time.

The slight drawback to this approach appears to be the discovery of a fresh deficiency on his  subsequent trip to the crease.

The season began offering a catch against Lilley.

He was bowled against Warseley.

Dancing down the track saw him stumped against Breechwood Green.

His most recent trip to the middle ended with him being pinned in front LBW against Langford. 

Four innings, four different modes of dismissal, four ducks.

Consequently John finds himself not in need of a cricket coach but of an elite singles agency, someone who can match him up with his first run of the season.

John is not only chasing the magical five ducks in a row, he is also chasing the duck trophy. 

Despite his best efforts he only has a narrow one-duck lead over two men who have both claimed a share of the title on two occasions in the past, Dan Goord and Scott Boatwright. 

Goord and Boatwright are both proven duck specialists, both capable of blobbing with aplomb while last year's winner, Kaiz Ul-Haq has returned to action and demonstrated this week that he will not surrender his title likely as he ran himself out without scoring attempting an "optimistic" single to short cover.

But for the moment the spotlight is on John as he sets his sight on history and, more to the point, avoiding it next time out.

So if anyone knows a lonely single out there, perhaps you could point it in John's direction. 

After all, Boat Aid worked last year.

For the record it must be stressed that there are currently no plans for a new dish to be added to the menu at the Green Man in recognition of his performances this year. 

Duck A Le John will not be appearing on the menu just yet. 


That's all folks.

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