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A Poem About Watford

 OSCC, 155 all out, lost to Watford, 156-3, by 7 wickets



Offley went to Watford, the home of Elton John

We hoped the game would finish before the lights came on

Instead the game took ages and we finished in the dark

Smashed by a fucking rabble in a fucking shitty park


Offley chose to bat first but it didn't really work

As Hooky chased a wide one like a silly little berk

Boaty played his shots but alas he didn't last long

Then Danny headed back after an attempted leave went all wrong


Tatts lobbed one to cover and Roger lost his stumps

And when Ben Wiles missed one we were all down in the dumps

Richie edged to slip off the face of the bat

Not a clever shot by the handsome ginger twat


The end looked swift to come as the top order was cack

But no one had accounted for the portly Kaiz Ul Haq

Kaiz played his shots, Kaiz swung his blade and runs began to flow

And Kaiz in his all glory put on an epic show


He's famous for his milkshakes and he's famous for his fries

(And on days when he keeps wicket he's famous for his byes)

He'd nearly reached his 50, the landmark was in sight

But then he played a shot which, alas, was rather shite


The tail did it's best but alas the end was nigh

Especially with Bexfield having problems with his thigh

The scoreboard told the story, another tragic tale

For all apart from Kaiz it was another epic fail


Although we didn't score much the innings took forever

I guess because the oppo captain wasn't bright or wasn't clever

Every shot and every run prompted another field switch

And every bowler who went for four moaned like a mimsy bitch


Our hopes lay with our bowlers, could they sparkle in the dark?

Alas Ben Wiles and Denton got smashed all round the park

Wiles did his best but simply couldn't find the edge

And as for poor old Stevie, he got launched into a hedge


Danny dropped a hard chance and then Hooky shelled a pie

He couldn't really see it as it fell from the night sky

Tatts finally made the breakthrough when he won an LB call

Although he later admitted that it would have hit fuck all


We should have had another but the batsman didn't walk

He claimed he didn't touch it which was simply lying talk

Tatts picked up another and Kaiz picked up a third

But it couldn't really hide that we'd laid a massive turd


So that was our trip to Watford, one that finished in the dark

A game where we got gubbed in that fucking shitty park

And if you think we're going next year then my answer's pretty stark

Cos you can shove it up your arse and say "Fuck that for a lark!"

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