Skip to main content

WANTED!

 


Have you seen this man?

Rehaan Samdani is wanted by NASA for his part in deliberately attempting to damage satellites by serving up pies to dangerous batsmen. 

On Sunday Mr Samdani willfully conspired to send down several utterly woeful short-pitched deliveries that jeopardised the safety of a number of aircraft in the vicinity of Luton Airport and also threatened to damage the International Space Station.

Greenpeace are also calling for Mr Samdani to be investigated and prosecuted for deliberately damaging the ozone layer by allowing it to be perforated by cricket balls.

In addition to intergalactic space terrorism and environmental piracy, Mr Samdani is also wanted for questioning by the Hertfordshire Constabulary on multiple counts of impersonating a batsman.

For the record Mr Samdani is currently Offley's leading wicket taker this season. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Player Profile #26: James Barker

  Cricket is famous for some of its legendary brothers. On the world stage Australia have given the game the Chappells, the Waughs, the Marshes and the Husseys. England had the Smiths, the Bedsers and the Hollioakes. West Indies had Dwayne and Darren Bravo. Zimbabwe produced Grant and Andy Flower. New Zealand had Jeff and Martin Crowe. At a slightly less exalted level, Offley have featured the Tattersalls, the Hooks and the St Johns. Young tyro James Barker might not be related by blood to any other Offley player (apart from his dad who has played the occasional game) but he does have a role model and big brother figure to look up to in Jamie Cummins. This inseparable pair are more like the Trotter brothers, Del and Rodney, with JB assuming the mantle of naive innocent Rodney looking up to his streetwise older brother Del. JB and JC Rodney JB regards Jamie as someone he hopes to grow up to be just like - an accomplished cricketer and a man of the world with a fine taste in style and f
Post a Comment
Read more

The Darkest Day

  OSCC 189-8 beat Bedford 107 all out by 82 runs  And so it came to pass on Sunday September 3rd, 2023, that the curse of Captain Scott was fulfilled as Scott Boatwright's men joined Josh Scott's hapless crew in taking the relegation plunge. After 26 years of cricket as Offley & Stopsley CC, the 2023 vintage have achieved what no one else could, or have indeed really come close to. The Double Dip. Offley headed into the game having lost 15 of their past 17 Beds League games dating back to the end of last season.  Despite including four TCWs (Two Club Wankers) in Ben Wiles, James Barker, Kaiz Ul Haq and Little Man of Many Cubs himself, Rehaan Samdani, Offley failed to stay up despite inflicting a crushing defeat on Bedford, the one team in the division inept enough to finish below us. Kaiz made his highest score for the club, registering his first league 50 and top-scoring with 56. Wiles made 31 and Barker did what Barker does, namely running amok amid the tail like a blood-
1 comment
Read more

Can We Play You Every Week!?!?!

  Jono Evetts, 41, beat Stony Stratford, 35 (though they claimed it was 37), by 6 runs On a day where a bird shat all over Wayne Cutts's pristine white shirt, Offley's took a huge dump all over the title ambitions of their opponents Stony Stratford. Offley's bulk of biltong, Jono Evetts, set the stage for a sensational victory against Stony in a contest that not only threw the form book out of the window but also set it on fire and then pissed all over the smouldering ashes. Offley had not won a league game in more than 300 days while Stony had apparently not lost for three years, apparently after an exhaustive series of matches against the Sunshine Bus Second XI, Lady Zia Werner III's and the Northamptonshire Steelbacks. The visitors won the toss and, after inspecting the type of lethal surface that Princess Diana once did her best to outlaw, elected to bowl after their captain narrowly escaped having his leg blown off by a rogue landmine. Adam Ward plundered a couple
Post a Comment
Read more