Skip to main content

8A? 8B? 9A?

 


So, we're up the creek without a certain implement.

To be fair it could be argued we've been up that particular creek ever since we conceded to Chipperfield, thus beginning a run of seven defeats in eight matches that have produced a net total of 67 points.

At this point in time we've probably left the relatively tranquil waters of Shit Creek behind us and are adrift on the Ocean of Effluent with a tidal wave of the stuff about to sweep us to our inevitable doom.

However, there are still certain scenarios to be played out to dictate which division we will be in next season.

First of all it's impossible to avoid the obvious fact that if we lose to Watford on Saturday we will be dropping down two divisions, an outcome that would mean we've dropped three tiers in twelve months.

The punishment for that would be dropping into 9A and a trip to Lancaster Avenue which frankly seems harsh but if you're gonna play like cunts you've got to expect to play at a ground where tampons litter the outfield. 

However, if we win there is an outside chance we could either survive or merely drop one division - admittedly that chance is about as high as Roger Piepenstock passing up a state banquet at Windsor Castle in favour of a boneless banquet at KFC. 

Working on the principle that we would hold the edge with most wins in the event of a tiebreak this is what needs to happen.

An Offley win combined with eighth-placed Chipperfield taking four points or fewer against Hitchin would see us finish above Chipperfield.

Hitchin lost to ninth-placed Old Cholmelians last week.

James Barker plays for Hitchin. 

James got out to a girl on Sunday. 

James got 1.

So the point I'm trying to make is that it would perhaps be unwise to expect too much in the way of salvation here even though Chipperfield have mustered six points or fewer on five different occasions this year.

For their part Old Cholmelians would need to muster six points or fewer against Wheathampstead to finish below us if we beat Watford. 

Even allowing for the fact they've been spectacularly hopeless all season and managing to lose even more games than us, that would still mean them having their worst game of the year.

Any questions?


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dotting Davis's Defiantly Dogged Determination Delays Dispiriting Defeat

  O SCC, 113-8, lost to MK Warriors, 171-8, by 58 runs Since the dawn of time man has sought to take on fresh challenges and scale new heights. Man has walked on the moon. Everest has been conquered. The 10-second barrier for the 100 metres has been shattered. Americans elected a massive orange twat as President.  Twice. Britain elected a gormless, unprincipled and spineless dipshit as Prime Minister.  So far only once but let's see where we are in another four years. Marc Ward won a game as captain. And yet as Sinead O'Connor might have put it, nothing compares 2 u, John Davis, on finally joining the Offley Double Figures Club (DFC) at just the 38th time of asking. Davis reeled off a breathtaking series of strokes as he scored a sublime 13 to lift his career average up to 2.378378378. Mysteriously and unfairly spurned as a bowler of late by a succession of captains, Davis has grabbed the opportunity to reinvent himself as a stoical middle order bastion of blockage. On a ...
1 comment
Read more

Ten Down; Seven Up

  OSCC, 24 (Twenty-four) all out, lost to Ampthill 28-3, by seven wickets Vietnam. You weren't there, man. You don't know! Across the United States grizzled veterans sit in bars and legion halls sipping Wild Turkey and Jack Daniel's and recount the horrors of the Tet Offensive, Khe Sanh and the fall of Saigon. Many years from now, the shattered remnant of Jamie Cummins' Dark Command may recall their trip to Ampthill with similar dread. It started well enough for the debutant captain who won the toss and elected to bat first on a good deck on a hot day. What happened over the next 11 overs was something that had not been seen in the 28 years of the club's sometimes illustrious and occasionally infamous history. This was infamy at its most infamous. With the club's all-time leading run scorer, Steve Bexfield, nowhere to be seen, absent either due to a miscommunication or because he was late as usual, saw the scorebaord from the road and thought sod this for a game...
1 comment
Read more

R Don Stiffs Offley

 OSCC, 133-4, lost to Flamstead, 136-5, by five wickets Less than twenty-four hours after Scott Boatwright came within a single blow of a maiden century and Offley's fielders dissolved in the rain by dropping eight catches out of ten, the sun set on another season in the semi-finals of the Hertfordshire Village Trophy. A team bearing little resemblance to the one that had qualified for the last four, one that had been ripped apart by anniversaries, weddings and holidays, produced a spirited performance with a lineup held together by children's prayers and angels' kisses, relying on the presence of the Great Samdani to add a little stardust to proceedings. Following a delayed start due to heavy overnight rain, Ben Wiles inevitably lost the toss and Offley were asked to bat first on a green pitch tinged with green. Richie Barker and Dan Goord opened the batting, reprising the 2024 final where they shared an epic stand of 1 and were both back in the hutch within two overs. Aft...
1 comment
Read more