Skip to main content

8A? 8B? 9A?

 


So, we're up the creek without a certain implement.

To be fair it could be argued we've been up that particular creek ever since we conceded to Chipperfield, thus beginning a run of seven defeats in eight matches that have produced a net total of 67 points.

At this point in time we've probably left the relatively tranquil waters of Shit Creek behind us and are adrift on the Ocean of Effluent with a tidal wave of the stuff about to sweep us to our inevitable doom.

However, there are still certain scenarios to be played out to dictate which division we will be in next season.

First of all it's impossible to avoid the obvious fact that if we lose to Watford on Saturday we will be dropping down two divisions, an outcome that would mean we've dropped three tiers in twelve months.

The punishment for that would be dropping into 9A and a trip to Lancaster Avenue which frankly seems harsh but if you're gonna play like cunts you've got to expect to play at a ground where tampons litter the outfield. 

However, if we win there is an outside chance we could either survive or merely drop one division - admittedly that chance is about as high as Roger Piepenstock passing up a state banquet at Windsor Castle in favour of a boneless banquet at KFC. 

Working on the principle that we would hold the edge with most wins in the event of a tiebreak this is what needs to happen.

An Offley win combined with eighth-placed Chipperfield taking four points or fewer against Hitchin would see us finish above Chipperfield.

Hitchin lost to ninth-placed Old Cholmelians last week.

James Barker plays for Hitchin. 

James got out to a girl on Sunday. 

James got 1.

So the point I'm trying to make is that it would perhaps be unwise to expect too much in the way of salvation here even though Chipperfield have mustered six points or fewer on five different occasions this year.

For their part Old Cholmelians would need to muster six points or fewer against Wheathampstead to finish below us if we beat Watford. 

Even allowing for the fact they've been spectacularly hopeless all season and managing to lose even more games than us, that would still mean them having their worst game of the year.

Any questions?


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R Don Stiffs Offley

 OSCC, 133-4, lost to Flamstead, 136-5, by five wickets Less than twenty-four hours after Scott Boatwright came within a single blow of a maiden century and Offley's fielders dissolved in the rain by dropping eight catches out of ten, the sun set on another season in the semi-finals of the Hertfordshire Village Trophy. A team bearing little resemblance to the one that had qualified for the last four, one that had been ripped apart by anniversaries, weddings and holidays, produced a spirited performance with a lineup held together by children's prayers and angels' kisses, relying on the presence of the Great Samdani to add a little stardust to proceedings. Following a delayed start due to heavy overnight rain, Ben Wiles inevitably lost the toss and Offley were asked to bat first on a green pitch tinged with green. Richie Barker and Dan Goord opened the batting, reprising the 2024 final where they shared an epic stand of 1 and were both back in the hutch within two overs. Aft...
1 comment
Read more

Hats & Hat Tricks

  OSCC, 180-6, lost to Luton Town & Indians, 240-9, by 60 runs On a day where Shane Jones took a hat trick, two Offley batsmen walked off at the end with unbeaten half-centuries and Jamie Cummins sustained a torn hamstring that is certain to make him a slow-moving favourite among Tenerife's looky-looky men when he arrives on Wednesday (Jamie will be back on Sunday with his hair in cornrows, several Rolexes and a dozen pairs of sunglasses), there really is only one place to start. With Kaiz Ul-Haq's hat. Sporting a fantastic piece of millinery that made him look like a cross between Audery Hepburn and a slightly effete Indiana Jones and is available exclusively from Young Man at Roger's  as part of their Junior Arms Dealer Collection , Kaiz brought a touch of international panache to proceedings. Relegation-threatened Offley arrived at Potton to take on table-topping Luton and promptly lost the toss consigning them to an afternoon chasing leather in the sunshine. Had Cum...
Post a Comment
Read more

150 Not Out: Boat Aid II

It would be easy to write the usual stuff after a hectic three games in four days that have seen us fight our way through to another trip to finals day, storm up to fourth in the Herts League and move ever closer to the drop in the Beds, but truth be told after playing five games in nine days it hurts to type and I really can't be arsed. It wouldn't be fair to highlight Jamie's misadventures of the past few days which have seen him stung by a wasp, get out-sprinted by Roger before falling over and punching the ball for four (Roger had it covered Jamie, just like he told you - the moral of the story being you should always Rely on Roger...), fail to take a wicket in two fruitless spells and then fall down while bottling attempting a catch and having to watch and wave as it bounced over his head for a boundary while he was on the ground. If he'd been any more challenged in that moment he'd have qualified for PIP payments on the spot. These escapades and many more wil...
Post a Comment
Read more