Skip to main content

Girl Trouble

 OSCC, 65 all out, lost to Waresley, 876-2 (or something similar) by about three million runs




Some girls want to be a princess.

Other girls want a pony. 

But for one lucky cricket-mad young lady Christmas came early on Sunday when Offley's so-called batsmen lumbered incompetently into sight at Waresley prepared not so much to do or die as to surrender as swiftly and as cravenly as possible. 

Lucy Barrett - whose one previous over this season had gone for 19 runs - ripped through (or unwrapped) the Offley ranks to claim figures of 4-0-7-4, denied a maiden five-wicket haul only by the fact we ran out of batsmen because we only had 10 men.

Admittedly that was one more than on Saturday but that's rather a moot point.

Perhaps considering the standard of batting at Offley this season that should be a mute point.

We shall gloss over another somewhat underwhelming performance by the popgun attack that has now taken a frankly unfathomable seven wickets in the last five Beds League matches (needless to say we've lost the lot and amassed ten points in the process) and a fielding performance where every chance offered went to ground and concentrate on the batting. 

Earlier in the season we all mocked Veg on his debut when he padded up before the openers went out to bat even though he was slated to go in at number 11.

On reflection it's fair to say he may have had a point because the batting on this day, as it has been on so many other days this season, was somewhat lamentable and the end was somewhat swift. 

Jono Evetts can be excused censure on the grounds he made 37 whereas the rest of the team combined for 21, including 10 from C.J. McIlveen and a defiant unbeaten 7 from skipper Scott Boatwright who had earlier sportingly invited the opposition to bat.

That being said one hopes Evetts was fined for showing up his team mates.

There's not a lot to say about the concept of Jamie Cummins opening the batting. 

Presumably there were excellent reasons for sending out a man with a career average of 3.5 who has already matched his previous 'best' for ducks in a season.

In fairness to Jamie he scored 2 - which as it turns out was one more than the next three men in the order cobbled together between them. 

Darren Lunney (0), James Barker (1) and Kaiz Ul-Haq (0) all came and departed with undue haste, Kaiz rounding off a particularly shite weekend with the bat as he bagged the infamous pair.

The middle order and the tail duly subsided in customary woeful fashion, sliced and diced in style by Miss Barrett. 

Among the fallen were Peter Gilkes who once again failed to get off the mark, something he has failed to do in each of his previous seven innings. 

In fairness on one occasion during this streak he finished unbeaten on 0 not out.

James Barker, Ryan Hawkes, Gilkes and McIlveen were the maiden's wickets.

McIlveen thus becomes the first drill artist in history to be dismissed by a girl.

Seriously it's like Tupac being duffed up by a six-year old.

There's not a lot more to say about this one, other to note that there is now a scenario where a combination of an Offley concession next Sunday to focus on the Herts Village Trophy coupled with an unlikely win for Eaton Bray would result in relegation. 

So that's nice.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Tales of a Teenage Terrace Tearaway

The cricket season may be getting into full swing and England may have a new captain, coach and whatever it is that Rob Key is called but there's no escaping the fact that football violence is hogging the headlines and the back pages.  These are dark days for the people's game. Unfortunately for OSCC there is an overlap. Because one of our own is both capable of terrorising opposition batsmen (when he actually manages to land the ball on the strip at any rate) and causing carnage, confusion and chaos among opposition football fans. That elderly youth is of course none other than Jamie Cummins.  The link below illustrates just what devastation Cummins is capable of when the red mist descends. Offley & Stopsley Cricket Club (@OSCricketClub) / Twitter On the cricket field Jamie Lad is a force of nature, chugging into the crease like an enthusiastic young librarian pushing a heavy trolley of books to spray the ball optimistically towards the batsman's stumps.  Or, occasiona

The Magic Scoreboard

 OSCC, 149-5, lost to The Spiritualists, 144-9, by 1 wicket (No, it's not a misprint, the book was added up three times and came to 144 but there you go) Many years ago Offley & Stopsley CC (and indeed going further back Stopsley CC) endured a contentious rivalry with a team who seemed determined to stretch the laws of the game further than Peter Gilkes' waistband. This predilection for the dark arts was somewhat at odds with their supposed spirituality and over the years Offley fell victim to a flooded square, an attempt to overturn a hit wicket dismissal on the grounds that the batsman had trodden on a pebble and it had spun back on to the stumps and myriad other incidents. On one occasion a Stopsley player wrecked his ankle, breaking bone and tearing ligaments and had to be rushed to hospital causing the game to be abandoned. Rather than offering up a prayer for the fallen, the Spiritualists got the arse because the match had not resumed.  On another occasion, when one f

Player Profile #22: C. J. McIlveen

  His name is C. J. Mac and his bowling's pretty mean But his real passion's as a rap machine He's honey with the ladies so they keep their fannies clean Cos every girl wants to be Mrs Courtney McIlveen C. J. McIlveen splits his time between dropping tunes in the studio and dropping catches in the outfield and is the only man ever to open the bowling for Offley while wearing a du rag. This accessory is complemented by a youthful mustache that pays tribute to two of the aspiring rapper's musical influences, Freddie Mercury and the Village People. C. J. thinks he looks like Tupac.  Everyone else thinks he looks like a fortune teller who has misplaced his crystal ball. McIlveen invariably misses the first part of the season through injury (who knows, maybe every Easter he drops his crystal ball and smashes it and cuts his foot to ribbons) before turning up in August to bolster the latest Offley survival bid. McIlveen is the youngest bowler in Offley history to take 100 wic