Player Profile #22: C. J. McIlveen

His name is C. J. Mac and his bowling's pretty mean

But his real passion's as a rap machine

He's honey with the ladies so they keep their fannies clean

Cos every girl wants to be Mrs Courtney McIlveen

C. J. McIlveen splits his time between dropping tunes in the studio and dropping catches in the outfield and is the only man ever to open the bowling for Offley while wearing a du rag.

This accessory is complemented by a youthful mustache that pays tribute to two of the aspiring rapper's musical influences, Freddie Mercury and the Village People.

C. J. thinks he looks like Tupac.

Everyone else thinks he looks like a fortune teller who has misplaced his crystal ball.

McIlveen invariably misses the first part of the season through injury (who knows, maybe every Easter he drops his crystal ball and smashes it and cuts his foot to ribbons) before turning up in August to bolster the latest Offley survival bid.

McIlveen is the youngest bowler in Offley history to take 100 wickets and has come a long way since the days when he was a teenage tearaway thundering into bowl after he had just fucked up his French exams.

The left arm speedster is capable of cranking up the pace and has made several batsmen hop around in the crease and is perhaps the finest fast bowling prospect to come through the youth ranks at Offley although he is still searching for his maiden five-wicket haul for the club.

A rhythmic approach to the crease could be described as poetry in motion although his skinny frame does not really conjure images of Michael Holding as Whispering Death, more a White Stripe.

His batting is based on a singular aggressiveness which is ironic as he seldom displays any interest in dealing in singles.

A dedicated boundary hitter, McIlveen has yet to meet the bowler he was not convinced he could smite into the adjacent county.

A career average of close to 11 and a record of a duck approximately every four innings offers eloquent testimony to how successful this approach has been at times.

Committed and passionate in the field, McIlveen is never afraid to throw himself around for the cause and has taken his share of impressive catches.

He remains destined for great things, be they in the studio or on the pitch.

Did You Know: One day C. J. hopes to fuse his passion for rap with the music of his ancestors and pioneer bagpipe rap.

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