Player Profile #22: C. J. McIlveen

His name is C. J. Mac and his bowling's pretty mean

But his real passion's as a rap machine

He's honey with the ladies so they keep their fannies clean

Cos every girl wants to be Mrs Courtney McIlveen

C. J. McIlveen splits his time between dropping tunes in the studio and dropping catches in the outfield and is the only man ever to open the bowling for Offley while wearing a du rag.

This accessory is complemented by a youthful mustache that pays tribute to two of the aspiring rapper's musical influences, Freddie Mercury and the Village People.

C. J. thinks he looks like Tupac.

Everyone else thinks he looks like a fortune teller who has misplaced his crystal ball.

McIlveen invariably misses the first part of the season through injury (who knows, maybe every Easter he drops his crystal ball and smashes it and cuts his foot to ribbons) before turning up in August to bolster the latest Offley survival bid.

McIlveen is the youngest bowler in Offley history to take 100 wickets and has come a long way since the days when he was a teenage tearaway thundering into bowl after he had just fucked up his French exams.

The left arm speedster is capable of cranking up the pace and has made several batsmen hop around in the crease and is perhaps the finest fast bowling prospect to come through the youth ranks at Offley although he is still searching for his maiden five-wicket haul for the club.

A rhythmic approach to the crease could be described as poetry in motion although his skinny frame does not really conjure images of Michael Holding as Whispering Death, more a White Stripe.

His batting is based on a singular aggressiveness which is ironic as he seldom displays any interest in dealing in singles.

A dedicated boundary hitter, McIlveen has yet to meet the bowler he was not convinced he could smite into the adjacent county.

A career average of close to 11 and a record of a duck approximately every four innings offers eloquent testimony to how successful this approach has been at times.

Committed and passionate in the field, McIlveen is never afraid to throw himself around for the cause and has taken his share of impressive catches.

He remains destined for great things, be they in the studio or on the pitch.

Did You Know: One day C. J. hopes to fuse his passion for rap with the music of his ancestors and pioneer bagpipe rap.

Comments

The People's Champions

"We fight for lost causes because we know that our defeat and dismay may be the preface to our successors' victory." A day out that was confidently expected to end around lunchtime eventually drew to a close in the early evening as heavy underdogs, Offley & Stopsley C.C., otherwise known as the People's Champions, took their leave of Knebworth Park having reached the club's first final since 2008. Unquestionably no one was more surprised at making it through to the final than the team themselves, the semi-final victory prompting a flurry of hastily rearranged plans. Ultimately they were not victorious on the pitch - not exactly a shock as they were up against a side six divisions above them in the Saracens League, a gap that will be confirmed as eight divisions once the tables are finalised on Saturday night. Yet at the end of a torrid season where the club flag has been subjected to shot and shell, it was heartening to know it still fluttered defiantly in the...

iBat; iBowl; iPad

OSCC, 71 all out, got about halfway against Leverstock Green, 155 all out iPad At the captain's request (for a direct line please dial 0-9 for Wardy) I'm not allowed to mention what effect Saturday's result has had on our survival prospects. However, I think I am free to point out this challenging mathematical poser, namely what would happen if you took the points we have accumulated in the Bedfordshire league (depleted by 10 after Sunday's concession) and added them to those we have accumulated in the Saracens League? Answer: we'd still be pretty severely fucked.... Things did not begin well on Saturday. Richie Barker missed out with a nasty toe injury (laughably sustained attempting to bowl seam in the nets) and Danny O'Brien was forced to withdraw on the morning of the match after a tough week at work. Roger Piepenstock, a man who lives within a stone's throw of the ground, although perhaps not if that stone is being thrown by an Offley fielder, subseq...

The Triangle of Triumph

OSCC, 116-6, beat Shillington, 115-9, by four wickets OSCC, 174-6, beat Harpenden, 166 all out, by eight runs OSCC, 245-6, beat Hexton, 152 all out, by 93 runs Having started the season by losing six out of six - and conceding a seventh to boot - Offley kicked the season into life with a three-game sweep of assorted opponents. The week that began with the unfortunate Bus Wanka saga ended with the victory beers overflowing. Captain Roger Piepenstock secured the first win of the season against Shillington, having been elected to the position on the grounds of his patrician bearing and the fact he was the only one with a coin (a golden guinea presumably) to toss up. Manouvering his fielders with a combination of frantic arm-waving and polite requests one that conjured images of a pissed up usher at a garden party, Captain Piepenstock ensured Shillington were restricted to 115-9. Mark Kirkman and Shane Jones were the pick of the bowlers with three wickets apiece but there were also tw...

Search This Blog