Skip to main content

Play Nicely...


Interesting update regarding social media and the ECB's latest dictate from their ivory tower....

"Recently, there have been an increasing number of social media posts that contravene the ECB’s new General Conduct Regulations. These GCR’s prohibit the posting of derogatory, defamatory, or discriminatory comments by any participant, (player, umpire, spectator, club member, club etc.), about any other participant on any social media platform or Club website.  

"Clubs and participants should be aware the penalties for such posts range from player bans/suspensions to point deductions, with such transgressions posted to the League’s Disciplinary Update report for all to see. 
 
"Apart from the above penalties, please think how you would feel if someone posted about you, what you post about someone else."

This represents a new and exciting development, an entreaty to take a deep breath before you tweet and not say anything remotely controversial about suffering nine lbw decisions at the hands of the oppostion umpire, risking life and limb on a minefield, braving gangrene and swine flu in the changing rooms or being thrown out of the bar at 8:00pm because the gimp they left behind wants to catch up with the other gimps at the gimp night.

At first glance, having finished rock bottom last year (even had we not been deducted 20 points for something or other we would still have been bringing up the rear) a points deduction would have been something of an empty threat.

However, history shows that when we managed to finish on the relegation zone one year and fall foul of petty officialdom the points deduction was imposed at the start of the following year.

The moral of that particular lesson being, Never trust one of Keeley's mates to keep his mouth shut when he's sitting next to a league official.

To be fair some of those who did play for the Two Lions in 2022 seemed to be under the misapprehension they had been banned from scoring runs / taking wickets / catching the ball / making any sort of positive contribution whatsoever.

Yet this entreaty to play nicely and speak nicely of others means that there should not be any negative reference made anywhere to Offley's finest such as..........

Luke Munt, Watford Cunt

That fat ginger cunt who struts round like he owns the place

The noisy fella with the big ears who opens the bowling (previous vintage)

The whiny little fella with the shit tattoos who keeps wicket

The frightfully posh bald chap 

The bloke who looks Bobby Charlton banging the cymbals

Except here of course.

Here there will be plenty of abuse for all that deserve it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Taylormade Triumph

 OSCC, 164-8, beat Eaton Bray, 94 all out, by 70 runs Said Boaty unto Matty "It looks like you're the fatty" "It's weight of runs that matter  And I'm the better batter" And so they staged a duel To see if weight would conquer all Boaty went out first And if not quite at his worst He scratched around a bit And really looked quite shit He played and missed a lot The inside edge was his best shot Then an Offley wicket fell And Matty heard the bell His breasts were seen to jiggle As he marched out to the middle His arse dragging in his wake The result of eating so much cake Off the mark was Taylor swift He gave the run rate a quick lift And while Boaty joined the dots Matty T played all the shots The runs began to flow Though the running was quite slow They spread the field for Taylor He had no fear of failure He smashed the ball for four Then he smashed a couple more But soon was breathing hard Though he'd barely run a yard Then at the other end Boaty ...

#WardyOut

  OSCC, 181-4, beat Old Albanians, 154-9, by 27 runs It might have taken a while but on a day where skipper Marc Ward was absent in a bid to seduce Snow White along with six similarly diminutive accomplices, Offley finally found a way to win a game. Perhaps it was because Old Albanians were even more hopeless than Offley; perhaps because even a blind squirrel sometimes finds an acorn and on this day Dan Goord located the middle of the bat; and perhaps the addition of Ben Southgate, someone who clearly knows what he is doing, combined to lead Offley to their first league victory of the season. For some reason Offley, a team who can at times consider themselves fortunate to play on a needle-strewn, dog-shit littered, pikey-infested council wasteland, found themsleves playing on one of the premier venues in Hertfordshire and raised their game accordingly. They might have found a way to drop eight catches (in fairness only four players shelled a catch but each of them compensated by dr...

The Darkest Day

  OSCC 189-8 beat Bedford 107 all out by 82 runs  And so it came to pass on Sunday September 3rd, 2023, that the curse of Captain Scott was fulfilled as Scott Boatwright's men joined Josh Scott's hapless crew in taking the relegation plunge. After 26 years of cricket as Offley & Stopsley CC, the 2023 vintage have achieved what no one else could, or have indeed really come close to. The Double Dip. Offley headed into the game having lost 15 of their past 17 Beds League games dating back to the end of last season.  Despite including four TCWs (Two Club Wankers) in Ben Wiles, James Barker, Kaiz Ul Haq and Little Man of Many Cubs himself, Rehaan Samdani, Offley failed to stay up despite inflicting a crushing defeat on Bedford, the one team in the division inept enough to finish below us. Kaiz made his highest score for the club, registering his first league 50 and top-scoring with 56. Wiles made 31 and Barker did what Barker does, namely running amok amid the tail like a ...