How Many Points Do You Get For a Moral Victory?

 OSCC, 130 all out, lost to Pinner, 131-5, by 5 wickets

The answer to the question regarding the bonus points on offer for a moral victory is 9.

However, we got 11 players out, we scored over 100, we had two players score over 20 (in fairness Extras made the game a contest with 35) and at one point we had the opposition five down and them fearing the sort of humiliation and exposure that can only be experienced at 4am when your mates see you leaving a club with an unconventionally attractive lady, the sort who tends to have a bubbly personality.

So we lost again, a defeat that leaves us 87 points adrift of safety with 300 points still to pay for.

Following the success of the Race Night in March the committee are considering running a football card to see who can successfully pick which fixture will mathematically condemn us to the drop.

There were plus points.

Last year we were dismissed for 70 & 86 in two encoutners with Pinner Firsts.

We clearly showed then that we did not belong in the same division; we went down and they went up. finishing top of the league with 256 points more than we collected.

Therefore reaching 130 - albeit against their Seconds - could perhaps be seen as progress.

Admittedly it's fairly claim that we don't belong in the same division as them either.

Roger Piepenstock top-scored with 29, the second season in a row the former Pinner native has top-scored against Pinner.

Scott Boatwright overcame being erroneously adjudged caught out off his ample backside to make 19 from 60 deliveries.

The decision was overturned at the behest of the fielding side but it still means Matty Taylor has now joined the race to win the award for Worst Decision of the Year.

The ample-framed Boatwright was so exhausted by his long innings in the heat that at one point he lost all control and accidentally flattened the opposition wicketkeeper in a collision apparently reminsicent of a runaway steamroller ploughing into a deckchair.

Considering that the poor chap behind the stumps had done his best to help us towards a vaguely respectable total with his repeated matador impressions that yielded a flurry of byes, it seemed rather unkind.

Ole!

Debutants Rylands and Lyons both showed that they fit in at Offley as they were dismissed for ducks.

Furthermore the scorebook suggests we also established some sort of record by having four players stumped in the same innings. 

Pretty good going for a team that doesn't believe in footwork.

Nonetheless 130 represented a competitive total and Jamie Cummins and Steve Denton bagged five wickets between them.

Dennis Nielsen-lookalike Cummins spelt doom for the batsmen just as sure as his doppelganger once caused problems for his unfortunate victims.

Offley's leading wicket-taker claimed another three scalps although his final figures were roughed up in his last couple of overs as he ended up with 3-44.

Cummins is the first Offley bowler to claim double-digit victims this year. 

We're halfway through the fucking season and our leading wicket-taker has 12.

Serial killers strike more often than Offley bowlers.

At the other end the aged and experienced Denton worked the sort of magic that only a wizzened wizard can produce.

Unfortunately it was all for nothing in the end as Pinner's portly cornerstone (Can cornerstones be round?) defied everything Offley threw at him as he helped himself to an unbeaten 71.

It's a bit harsh that I can't give the match-winner his name as it was scrawled illegibly in the scorebook and it appears to be Xnarvenlor - if that is indeed his name then my apologies and fair play.

However, I have it on good authority from our oh-so svelte chairman, Mark Tattersall, that he was indeed of ample frame (short and stout and didn't get out) and you'd have been hard-pushed to shoehorn him and Boaty in a lift.

And for those keeping track at home that's now 323 days since we last tasted victory in the Saracens League.