Fingered

 OSCC, 175-9, lost to Great Gaddesden 208-5, by 33 runs

A superb performance from Offley saw them slash the gap to safety at the bottom of the table from 85 points to 81 points at the halfway mark of the season.

There were heroes everywhere as an unprecedented five batsmen scored at least 20 - no fewer than seven batsmen either matched or bettered their highest score of the year, including Matty Taylor with an unbeaten 26, a performance that means as of July 1st Matty T tops the batting averages with a mark of 37.

Please bow your heads and take a moment's silence to consider what that means for where we are as a club.

Luke Munt batted beautifully, bowled hopelessly and kept wicket heroically.

Steve Denton, the Run Miser, conceded just 15 runs in eight wicketless overs and Richie Barker saved a certain boundary with (what Matthew Freeman would have described as) a fantastic parry at mid off.

If he'd caught it, dangerman Crawley would have been out for 40 instead of the 89 he actually got and Offley might have won.

Needless to say we didn't, although for the first time this season in a league game the innings ended with a wicket yet to fall.

Offley lost the toss and were asked to bowl.

Denton and Darren Lunney opened the bowling. 

Denton was magnificent, grudgingly yielding singles like a Jewish paedophile reluctantly handing over penny sweets (that may be a new low for political incorrectness but them's the breaks).

He toiled away for eight overs, conceding a mere 15 runs and came close to picking up a deserved wicket when he found the edge but keeper Munt was unable to grasp a sharp one-handed chance.

At the other end Lunney was slightly more erratic but he made the initial breakthrough when a ball kept low and pinned the opener on the back foot.

The second wicket was all about Lunney as he pulled off a sensational bit of fielding at mid off. Lunney gathered the ball and threw off balance to hit the stumps with the batsman not even in the picture as Gaddesden found themselves two down.

At drinks the hosts were 80-2, a good platform on a good deck.

Arguably the game's pivotal moment came first ball after drinks when Lunney beat Crawley in the flight and the ball was smashed to Barker at mid off.

It was struck fiercely and there's not a lot to say other than we drop catches as a team and we hold catches as a team and this drop was a group effort, albeit one that saved a certain boundary.

The bowler said nothing; the murderous look in his eyes said it all.

Another pivotal moment came when Munt cast aside the gloves and embarked on a two-over spell that cost 21 runs and set the Gaddesden charge in motion.

During this spell he found time to take a nicely-judged catch at cover to give debutant Shafiq a wicket. 

Shortly after Munt took back the gloves.

Runs continued to flow more freely and the chance to stem the tide was missed when Lunney retaliated against Barker for dropping Crawley by returning the favour at long off as he juggled the ball several times before it hit the turf. At this point the batsman had about 65. 

The breakthrough came when a Rolf Harris lookalike smashed the ball back at Barker and the bowler pulled off an amazing one-handed catch with his left hand.

As was earlier noted, we hold catches as a team and we drop catches as a team but this spectacular moment of individual orgasmic brilliance was a bit like seeing a young Debbie Harry out in front of the rest of Blondie with no one having eyes for anyone else.

After The Catch

Munt almost pulled off a couple of tricky stumpings off the bowling of Josh Scott (needless to say he didn't pull off either of them; judging by the way he was hobbling like a ruptured wildebeest at the end of the game he won't be pulling himself off any time soon either) before a slight mathematical misjudgement left Taylor to bowl the penultimate over.

His first delivery was something of a drag down and Crawley - closing in on three figures - smashed it towards cow corner. It looked certain to soar over the ropes for 6 before Scott pulled off a marvellous catch above his head.

All things considered, the sheer unexpectedness of Taylor taking a wicket, the removal of a batsman on the cusp of three figures and the quality of the catch made this the moment of the season.

Unfortunately the rest of the over was utter shite, Taylor serving up an assortment of wides and no-balls, most notably a beamer that sailed over the head of batsman and keeper, in a 10-delivery magnum opus where he claimed he was finding it hard to let go of the ball.

The last time anyone had such difficulty letting go of the ball Elton John was involved.

In the end the hosts closed on 208-5, a target that looked a little daunting for a team that had been dismissed for 40 last time out.

Things did not start well. 

Marc Ward was hit on the pad by the ball so obviously that was that. 

I'm not saying the decision was made with undue haste but the finger had gone up before the ball had left the bowler's hand.

Ward's usual response to having his stumps uprooted is to cheerfully help reassemble the timber. On this occasion he trudged off like a man who'd forked out money to go to Lord's tomorrow to contemplate what might have been the most contentious decision he's received in a 176-innings career.

What followed next was an unexpected 15-over spell where Offley turned back time as Barker and Steve Bexfield added 68 for the second wicket.

During a season where low scores have been par for the course and partnerships of more than 20 have been about as common as hens' teeth, this was very much a pleasant surprise.

Barker passed 13,000 runs for his Offley career while Bexfield threw his hands at the ball and played some glorious shots on both sides of the wicket as he recaptured some of the glory of his lost youth.

Offley were in the ascendancy, Rolf Harris and his mates were finally being a little less chirpy before the batsmen changed their minds over a quick single and the silver-haired Bexfield, evidently less fleet of foot than in his spring-heeled prime, narrowly failed to make his ground and graciously walked off sparing the umpire the formality of having to make a decision.

Bexfield made 32.

Two down at drinks, Offley were still in the game with Munt and Barker going well.

Another LBW decision swung the balance away from Offley, Barker on his way for 44 with the score 100-3.

Munt played some fine shots, demonstrating his power and timing. Unfortunately he then tried to demonstrate his touch and finesse by running a full toss to third man for a single. The stumps were subsequently demolished.

Shafiq's debut innings ended in a run out as the wheels began to fall off.

Josh Hook lookalike Bradley Lyons (The Hookalike) scored his first run for the club in his second innings. 

Next week Bradders hopes to register his second run.

Offley's last realistic chance went when Scott's captain's knock ended when he was caught for 25.

Could Taylor and Lunney pull off a miracle?

As Lunney couldn't actually get off the mark the answer to that one was a rather emphatic no.

Wayne Cutts played a couple of elegant glides with the insouciant air of a man who finds the game easy. Unfortunately his breezy innings of 2 ended when he failed to get the bat down in time and played straight over the top of the floatiest of floaty deliveries.

While any hope of victory had long since evaporated, Taylor and Denton resolved to go down swinging.

Well, Denton did. Taylor seemed quite keen on a red ink not out in his quest to win the batting award.

However, in the final over Taylor exploded into action. 

Matty might currently look like a Lego figure with his beard, precise haircut and glasses, but he certainly packs a punch.

Matty T 

A glorious pick up over long leg in the evening sunlight as the sun set on Offley's hopes raised hopes of maximum batting points and off the final delivery an overthrow allowed Denton and Taylor to scramble back for a second run that could make all the difference as we head into the second half of the season looking to overturn that awkward 81-point deficit.

Then again, it might not....

(For anyone wondering why there's a picture of a shocked-looking ginger cat whose just had an unlubricated finger shoved up his bum, well that's kind of how me and Wardy felt when we saw the finger go up this afternoon. Bex isn't ginger but the sentiment was pretty similar.)