Skip to main content

Player Profile #27: Bradley Lyons


One of the bright spots of the 2023 campaign has been the arrival of lower middle order stalwart and perpetually enthusiastic fielder Bradley Lyons. 

Bradders - never Bradley and rarely Badly - has enjoyed a mixed start to his Offley career and is yet to taste victory in a league match.

Bradders bears an uncanny resemblance to former Offley star Josh Hook, both in terms of appearance, physique and a slightly dubious taste in tattoos.

His finest piece of art is of Spiderman, a work that appears to pay homage to a Fathers 4 Justice protestor rather than the original Marvel superhero.

His batting is improving like a toddler taking its first steps. You can't but help admire his enthusiasm but know it's only a matter of time before he falls over.

Or gets out.

After finally getting off the mark, Bradders doubled that with a nifty 2 and this weekend struck his first boundary. 


He was stumped next ball.


Readers of a certain vintage will remember the good old days before Hagen Daz and Ben & Jerry's when the best you could hope for by way of an ice cream was something from Lyons Maid.

In terms of Bradders' batting exploits it's invariably a case of "Lyons made a duck" or "Lyons made a single".

However, the endeavour and commitment is there and it's only a matter of time before he's welcomed into the ranks of the famous Offley DFC (Double Figures Club).

His finest moment with the bat came in the 2023 Offley Sixes tournament where he enjoyed a Cinderella knock and hit four sixes in an innings to help his side reach the final.

Unfortunately in the five-over final Bradders turned into a pumpkin and mustered a couple of singles from a dozen deliveries as his side crashed to defeat. 

Bradders has yet to bowl a single delivery for the club but he's already made his mark in the field. 

Whenever he stops the ball and picks it up he is wont to regard it with childish wonder, holding it in his hand and gazing at it like Snow White looking at an apple.

This fascination with the ball invariably means he forgets to throw it back in quickly enough and often results in other players getting cross and shouting at him to throw it back.

The best example of this is when Darrren is bowling. 

As a slow bowler with a quick temper, Darren gets very cross very quickly when Bradders finds himself mesmerised by the ball and unable to throw it back.

Everyone gets scared when Darren gets cross and starts shouting so we all hope the ball doesn't get hit to Bradders when Darren is bowling.

While he might not be blessed with elite talent, Bradders is seldom shy of having a word in the field.

He may not have sent any actual batsmen on their way but he accounted for his first umpire storming off in a huff against Preston with a couple of helpful observations. 

Bradders has established himself as a natural Offley cricketer, a man rarely at home in the middle but happy with a pint in his hand after the game.

Did You Know: According to something I just read online, people with the name Bradley are often seen as charismatic, confident and natural-born leaders. We're looking for a new captain.....


Popular posts from this blog

The Darkest Day

  OSCC 189-8 beat Bedford 107 all out by 82 runs  And so it came to pass on Sunday September 3rd, 2023, that the curse of Captain Scott was fulfilled as Scott Boatwright's men joined Josh Scott's hapless crew in taking the relegation plunge. After 26 years of cricket as Offley & Stopsley CC, the 2023 vintage have achieved what no one else could, or have indeed really come close to. The Double Dip. Offley headed into the game having lost 15 of their past 17 Beds League games dating back to the end of last season.  Despite including four TCWs (Two Club Wankers) in Ben Wiles, James Barker, Kaiz Ul Haq and Little Man of Many Cubs himself, Rehaan Samdani, Offley failed to stay up despite inflicting a crushing defeat on Bedford, the one team in the division inept enough to finish below us. Kaiz made his highest score for the club, registering his first league 50 and top-scoring with 56. Wiles made 31 and Barker did what Barker does, namely running amok amid the tail like a blood-

Player Profile #26: James Barker

  Cricket is famous for some of its legendary brothers. On the world stage Australia have given the game the Chappells, the Waughs, the Marshes and the Husseys. England had the Smiths, the Bedsers and the Hollioakes. West Indies had Dwayne and Darren Bravo. Zimbabwe produced Grant and Andy Flower. New Zealand had Jeff and Martin Crowe. At a slightly less exalted level, Offley have featured the Tattersalls, the Hooks and the St Johns. Young tyro James Barker might not be related by blood to any other Offley player (apart from his dad who has played the occasional game) but he does have a role model and big brother figure to look up to in Jamie Cummins. This inseparable pair are more like the Trotter brothers, Del and Rodney, with JB assuming the mantle of naive innocent Rodney looking up to his streetwise older brother Del. JB and JC Rodney JB regards Jamie as someone he hopes to grow up to be just like - an accomplished cricketer and a man of the world with a fine taste in style and f

Taylormade Triumph

 OSCC, 164-8, beat Eaton Bray, 94 all out, by 70 runs Said Boaty unto Matty "It looks like you're the fatty" "It's weight of runs that matter  And I'm the better batter" And so they staged a duel To see if weight would conquer all Boaty went out first And if not quite at his worst He scratched around a bit And really looked quite shit He played and missed a lot The inside edge was his best shot Then an Offley wicket fell And Matty heard the bell His breasts were seen to jiggle As he marched out to the middle His arse dragging in his wake The result of eating so much cake Off the mark was Taylor swift He gave the run rate a quick lift And while Boaty joined the dots Matty T played all the shots The runs began to flow Though the running was quite slow They spread the field for Taylor He had no fear of failure He smashed the ball for four Then he smashed a couple more But soon was breathing hard Though he'd barely run a yard Then at the other end Boaty