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Taylormade Triumph

 OSCC, 164-8, beat Eaton Bray, 94 all out, by 70 runs


Said Boaty unto Matty

"It looks like you're the fatty"

"It's weight of runs that matter 

And I'm the better batter"

And so they staged a duel

To see if weight would conquer all


Boaty went out first

And if not quite at his worst

He scratched around a bit

And really looked quite shit

He played and missed a lot

The inside edge was his best shot


Then an Offley wicket fell

And Matty heard the bell

His breasts were seen to jiggle

As he marched out to the middle

His arse dragging in his wake

The result of eating so much cake


Off the mark was Taylor swift

He gave the run rate a quick lift

And while Boaty joined the dots

Matty T played all the shots

The runs began to flow

Though the running was quite slow


They spread the field for Taylor

He had no fear of failure

He smashed the ball for four

Then he smashed a couple more

But soon was breathing hard

Though he'd barely run a yard


Then at the other end

Boaty finally joined his friend

And cleared the boundary rope

With a desperate top-edged grope

He played the shot again

But missed and 'twas the end


Boaty had to walk off slowly

Tits and shoulders sagging lowly

However he'd made twenty

And for Boaty that's quite plenty

But he was still in quite a rage

As he left Taylor centre stage


Taylor was the better batter

The polls also said he was the fatter

And he stroked a couple more

Though they didn't go for four

So he had a mighty heave

And was bowled for twenty-three


Matty left the pitch to cheers

Already thinking of the beers

He and Boaty shared a hug

Like they often share a jug

And the less-fat batter had to say

"The fatter batter won the day"


As a man Taylor's top draw

And this day he made top score

And those there yesterday

Will always have to say

Matty set Offley on their way

To hammer Eaton Bray



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