Live By The Ward, Die By The Ward

 The Ward Brothers (and Nine Deluxe Spanners), 143 all out, lost to Flamstead, 146-6, by 4 wickets

Marc Ward won the toss.

Adam Ward top-scored with 62.

Offley lost.

Some things don't change

Well, the gap between Offley and safety only gets larger but at this stage of the season it's fair to say that ship has sailed.

Or smashed into a fucking great iceberg.

Confused by winning the toss, Ward decided to bat first on a slow, low deck that made Offley look like Perth.

Tight bowling, a lack of bounce and a lack of form kept Offley quiet before Richie Barker perished for a 25-ball duck, paying the price for hitting the ball off the square.

The only thing longer was the name of the bowler who got him out - one Thavin Sankana Thilakarathna Asurapmudalige.

In contrast to Barker, Scott Boatwright, recently arrived back from Japan, batted with freewheeling panache to make 6 from 24 balls before lobbing a catch to cover.

That brought the Ward Brothers together and they plundered a rapid 65, capitalising on some juicy offerings by an elderly gentleman named Alistair Cook.

Both batters looked in prime touch and at 96-2 Offley looked set to post a competitive score.

At which point Flamstead introduced Samarasekara into the attack, the man who had dismissed Josh Scott with the ball of the century at Offley in the first meeting between the teams.

He accounted for Marc Ward with his second delivery and then bamboozled Kaiz Ul-Haq by bowling him behind his legs.

That brought Offley's all-time leading run scorer Steve Bexfield to the crease. Bexfield walked out with his trusty Gray Nicolls but judging by the way he repeatedly played and missed he might as well have been using a white stick.

In fairness Bexfield's 7 would be the third highest score of the innings.

Adam Ward reached his half-century and was looking to go through the gears when he was bowled by the much less dangerous Kolupana to make it 136-5.

A fragile tail was thus exposed.

Roger Piepenstock dug in to make a gritty 3 before his stumps were rearranged.

Bexfield's fighting 29-ball vigil ended when he was beaten in the flight, beaten by the turn and beaten all ends up.

Darren Lunney chipped one back to the bowler for a single.

Liam Nippard's stat line now reads three innings and three ducks.

Steve Denton was the last man to perish, batting with one pad, which turned out to be one more run than he scored.

At the other end Jamie "It's Not My Fault" Cummins was left unbeaten on 0.

136-4 became 143 all out, a collapse that was pretty impressive even by Offley standards.

Reduced to ten men by the departure of Nippard for work, Offley needed quick wickets and turned to the oldest, slowest new ball attack in the game.

Lunney was pummeled out of the attack after three costly overs but Denton, a man who came into the match with a solitary wicket to his name in 2024 caught fire.

There may be Olympic sprinters who would beat Denton's fastest delivery over 22 yards, but briefly the podium was Denton's.

First of all he doubled his tally for the season by having Naqvi caught at mid on by Cummins' rib cage. The batter tried to claim it was a bump ball which was nice but was sent on his way.

Denton then tripled his wickets for the year by extracting surprise lift from a half volley that looped to midwicket where Lunney toppled forward to take a good low catch.

Lunney is Mr 150 percent in the field. He never gives less than 100 percent in the field and usually drops 50 percent of the catches that are hit to him.

Unfortunately Denton was subsequently smashed out of the attack having conceded 18 runs in his last over.

Ward now turned to Cummins and Barker to stem the tide.

Barker nearly struck twice in his second over.

Unfortunately Lunney muffed a regulation chance on the square leg boundary and Boatwright's heroic running, diving attempt to haul in an edge ended in heartbreaking fashion as he plunged to earth and the ball bounced off his fingertips.

Cummins proved that he's not Offley's leading wicket-taker for nothing as he embarked on a three-wicket burst.

It had been a tough day for the Gammon Cannon who had been forced to choose between loyalty to his club and devotion to his hero, finally deciding not to march alongside his idol in favour of trying to pick up a few extra scalps.

First he induced a mistimed drive that Adam Ward snaffled easily at mid on before finding the edge that went through to Boatwright's gloves to make it 95-4.

A third Cummins wicket followed to great surprise as the ball was flashed to wide gulley where the wide gulley fielder dived low to his right and pulled off a remarkable catch. In itself the catch was remarkable. 

If the bowler was to be believed, the fact Barker actually held one off Cummins was fucking astounding.

That left Flamstead 107-5.

It should have been six down moments later, but the umpire decided that a delivery from Barker that pitched on middle was going to turn and slide down the leg side. 

Obviously this was the most Barker has ever spun a ball in his life. He should be pleased.

At the time Samarasekara was on 2. He finished on 30 not out.

So quite a big decision from the diminutive rotund gentleman in bottletop glasses squinting down the pitch.

Cummins kept charging in for nine overs (shame he was only supposed to bowl eight but that's the wide business for you) and although Barker picked up the fella with 39 letters in his name who got him out, it was too little too late.

The game ended with Denton being smashed towards Redbourne as Offley slumped to a four-wicket defeat, a performance that actually ranks as their second best of the year on a Saturday.

Participation trophies all round then.