Skip to main content

The Ballad of the Broken Batsman

 


In 1859 the American abolitionist John Brown was executed after the doomed raid on Harper's Ferry, an event that sparked the American Civil War.

This act inspired the song John Brown's Body Lies A Moldering In The Grave with it's world-renowned chorus of Glory, Glory, Hallelujah.

Today, we remember John Brown, known to his followers as the Wrathful Cloud of God, and his famous tune and pay tribute to a contemporary cricketer with this, The Ballad of the Broken Batsman.


The Ballad of the Broken Batsman


He walked out to the middle for he'd looked death in the eye

Doctors told him to retire but he said he'd have another try

He hoped that he'd be served up with a tasty juicy pie

Now he ain't gonna bat no more


(Chorus)

Glory, glory hallelujah

The bowler ripped it right back through ya

It was hitting middle stump but you stomped off with the hump

Said you ain't gonna bat no more


He took his guard and settled in, he waited for the ball

His eyes lost all expression, his skin assumed a deathly pall

If you didn't know him better you'd swear that his name was Saul

Now he ain't gonna bat no more


(Chorus)


The bowler started running in from 30 yards away

He knew if he survived one ball, the bowling he would flay

Alas it was just destined it was not to be his day

Now he ain't gonna bat no more


(Chorus)


The ball hammered the batter's pad, the bowler gave a shout

The umpire considered it, he didn't have much doubt

And so he raised his finger and then he said "That's out"

Now he ain't gonna bat no more


(Chorus)


He turned and left the middle and he walked off to the side

He tried to keep his dignity, he tried to keep his pride

And then he muttered something about a fucking great big stride

Now he ain't gonna bat no more


(Chorus)


Now the batter knows we love him and he knows we want him back

And we hope that he relents and that he has another crack

And I really hope he doesn't think I've stabbed him in the back

Cos I want him to bat once more


Glory, glory hallelujah

You don't want it to end like this do ya?

I know you've got the hump but t'would have knocked out middle stump

Please come back and bat once more

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

R Don Stiffs Offley

 OSCC, 133-4, lost to Flamstead, 136-5, by five wickets Less than twenty-four hours after Scott Boatwright came within a single blow of a maiden century and Offley's fielders dissolved in the rain by dropping eight catches out of ten, the sun set on another season in the semi-finals of the Hertfordshire Village Trophy. A team bearing little resemblance to the one that had qualified for the last four, one that had been ripped apart by anniversaries, weddings and holidays, produced a spirited performance with a lineup held together by children's prayers and angels' kisses, relying on the presence of the Great Samdani to add a little stardust to proceedings. Following a delayed start due to heavy overnight rain, Ben Wiles inevitably lost the toss and Offley were asked to bat first on a green pitch tinged with green. Richie Barker and Dan Goord opened the batting, reprising the 2024 final where they shared an epic stand of 1 and were both back in the hutch within two overs. Aft...

Taylor Swift To The Rescue As Offley Edge Home

  OSCC, 128-9, beat Kempston Hammers, 127 all out, by one wicket 24 hours after Syed Shah ran through London Colney like a dodgy kebab (kudos to the Kempston keeper for providing that one), Offley made it two from two in the Beds League as they staggered over the line at Kempston like Josh Scott finishing the London Marathon - coughing and spluttering but triumphant. Ben Wiles starred with bat and ball, Peter Gilkes carved the bowling to all parts with a match-turning innings, Matty Taylor dazzled in the field and Offley took the pitch with ten men before anyone realised they didn't have a wicketkeeper because Dan Goord hadn't arrived. The day began with Taylor answering a last-minute S.O.S. call.  Matty would be one of the first names on the sheet if he wanted to be but he prefers to play hard to get, a bit like a fat girl coquettishly pretending to turn down a third cheeseburger, sheltering behind the facade that he doesn't like cricket.  Like 10CC said, Matty doesn't...

Gubbed

  OSCC, 117-9, lost to Sandridge, 121-2, by eight wickets 'Twas on the 21st of June To Lilley we did roam Some cunts had hired our ground out So we could not play at home Two of our players dropped out We prayed it wasn't so But one of them was Roger So 'twas not a mighty blow Bex and Gary saved us They answered the late call Though Gary looked uneasy Far from the bathroom stall The pessimists said, "Call it off!" They said we had no chance They said our odds were feeble Just like Johnny's batting stance It was the summer solstice The day that never ends Just like one of Jamie's overs Due to all the wides he sends The mercury hit thirty It was really fucking hot Just like dear old Bradders When he threw a punch at Scott Wardy was our captain He'd never won a game And when you're talking leadership That's not a claim to fame It goes without saying That Wardy lost the toss And soon we were out batting On a wicket full of moss The ball leapt round...