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Gubbed

 OSCC, 117-9, lost to Sandridge, 121-2, by eight wickets



'Twas on the 21st of June

To Lilley we did roam

Some cunts had hired our ground out

So we could not play at home


Two of our players dropped out

We prayed it wasn't so

But one of them was Roger

So 'twas not a mighty blow


Bex and Gary saved us

They answered the late call

Though Gary looked uneasy

Far from the bathroom stall


The pessimists said, "Call it off!"

They said we had no chance

They said our odds were feeble

Just like Johnny's batting stance


It was the summer solstice

The day that never ends

Just like one of Jamie's overs

Due to all the wides he sends


The mercury hit thirty

It was really fucking hot

Just like dear old Bradders

When he threw a punch at Scott


Wardy was our captain

He'd never won a game

And when you're talking leadership

That's not a claim to fame


It goes without saying

That Wardy lost the toss

And soon we were out batting

On a wicket full of moss


The ball leapt round our shoulders

The ball crept past our shins

Stuck on a fucking minefield

For our unholy sins


Wardy missed a straight one

Goord was next to go

The umpire triggered Barker

Whose long walk off was slow


Wickets kept on falling

Things went all to shit

And when t'other Wardy chopped on

We feared that that was it


Bex top-scored with 20

It didn't looked enough

And though we batted 40 overs

Our prospects looked quite rough


Denton took a wicket

And Barker got one too

While Gary shook and shivered

And tried not to do a poo


They stormed right past our total

With half the game to spare

And watching Wardy walk off

You can tell he really cares


So that's another beating

On the Lilley Cabbage Patch

We'll try again next week

To see if Wardy wins a match


But right now at this minute

It's just another loss

And now the dust has settled

I couldn't give a fucking toss

Comments

  1. Anonymous21 June 2025 at 15:09

    Genius as always Ritchie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous21 June 2025 at 15:14

    FFS my man you should really make a living out of this. A quatrain of perfection .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous21 June 2025 at 15:15

    And I got away lightly which was kind1 thanks

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous21 June 2025 at 15:46

    Can you describe the trigger barker received please?

    ReplyDelete

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