Offley Rock As Cummins Rolls

 OSCC, 89-4, beat Harlington, 88 all out, by six wickets

On a day when Jamie Cummins conceded more runs from the game's opening over than he's scored in the month of June and subsequently produced possibly the worst piece of fielding ever seen on a cricket field, Offley overcame Harlington and the heat to storm out of the relegation zone.

James Barker, a man who knows every trick in the book for motivating people and chooses to ignore all of them, lost the toss and Offley were invited to field in 30 degree heat.

Cummins took the new ball and chugged in down the slope like a three-wheeled fire engine going to the wrong fire.

By the time the over had concluded, Cummins had sent down nine deliveries, surrendered a pair of sixes and another boundary and also made the initial breakthrough when holding on to a return catch after the batter mistimed another mighty blow.

The scoreboard read 19-1, Cummins taking his cap from the umpire and also taking a well-earned breather after his lenghty opening "spell".

Ben Wiles, freshly arrived from the golf course, replaced Cummins and embarked upon a spell of 8-4-4-3 that knocked the heart out of the Harlington lineup.

Wiles, a medium-sized fish in the Datchworth pond, typically transforms himself into the Offley Orca when he wears the lion on his shirt, consistently delivering performances worthy of a super hero.

Wiles thought he had claimed another victim when he found the edge of the man who had his own name tattooed on his arm. He started to walk but then decided to change his mind and stand his ground after the umpire claimed not to have heard anything.

This led to an interesting discussion between both batsmen, both umpires and Wiles QC and resulted with the guilty party resuming his innings.

So that was nice.

At the other end Richie Barker picked up a couple of wickets, conceding fewer runs in his eight-over spell than fellow new ball bowler Cummins coughed up in one.

James Barker and Shane Jones both took wickets while the rarely seen, suspected to be extinct, lesser-sighted Josh Hook took a pair of excellent tumbling catches.

Elsewhere the highlight of the afternoon, possibly the season, was provided by Cummins in the gully.

There was no reason why a softly-struck ball should roll through his legs, although Cummins later claimed it had taken a sharp deflection off a divot.

There was even less reason why Cummins should turn round and fall over as he pursued the ball and subsequently appearing as though he was either trying to swim after it or smash ants with his elbows with a lamentable display of dexterity that would have shamed a drunken Stephen Hawking trying to climb back into his chair after falling out.

Despite this mishap (and a dropped catch), Cummins was called back into the attack to try and break the ninth-wicket partnership that was starting to develop real nuisance value.

Jamie decided that he would employ the short ball tactic, whacking one in about a third of the way down which the batsman should have launched to the moon but instead lobbed to Wiles.

The innings ended in the same over when Cummins missed his usual half-track length and sent down a surprise length delivery that castled number eleven, the effervescent bowler celebrating like a victorious Reform candidate on election day.

Hook and Richie Barker made a solid start in reply before Harlington introduced A. C. Hucker into the attack.

Steaming in down the hill like Fatima Whitbread on rollerskates, A. C. Hucker proved a terrifying sight as he leapt into his delivery stride and hurled the ball towards the other end.

Hook miscued a drive to cover which brought Dan Goord to the crease.

Goord was quickly into his stride, reeling off several boundaries and threatening to win the game on his own in rapid time.

At which moment, on the sort of day made for beers and barbies, the stench of barbecued batsman drifted across the breeze as Barker called Goord through for a slightly optimistic single, a run that conjured halcyon memories of Barker's Terminator days.

Barker, evidently convinced that Goord's yelp of "Wait!" secretly meant "Oh yes, what a good idea, let's run!" made a spirited dash for the sanctuary of the bowler's end while Goord turned on the after burners and prayed for a misfield which didn't come.

Goord trudged dejectedly to the pavillion, the batsman not having been chargrilled but simply well done. 

Harry Keen came and went without scoring, sent on his way LBW by his compassionate captain.

Shortly afterwards Offley slumped to 41-4, Barker failing to cope with another javelin from A. C. Hucker and steering a catch to gully.

With Basher Baines waiting in the wings after being rewarded for scoring 83 a week ago by being demoted in the order with a cunning piece of reverse psychology from Offley's Machiavellian skipper, the Brothers Ward joined forces and despite the occasional alarm saw their team towards victory.

Adam finished unbeaten on 38 while Marc made 12 as they shared an unbroken 48-run partnership to seal the win.

Both Wards have now scored at least 200 runs this season, something that only Wiles has also achieved.

The victory lifts Offley up to seventh in the table and gives JB his first win of the season.

Incredibly combined with yesterday's win after the opposition forfeited, Offley are not in the relegation zone in either league for the first time since Covid.

Hurrah.