The Ginger Jonah

This is a very special appeal.

This is Wardy.

Ever since he was a little boy, he has had just one dream - to lead his cricket team to victory.

Last year he finally got the chance to make his dream come true when he was appointed captain of Offley's Saturday side.

Unfortunately, Offley lost every game Wardy played - they won a couple when he was absent, doing just enough not to finish dead last - and experienced that familiar relegation feeling.

Despite that Wardy was reappointed for 2025 and has done an excellent job in recruiting players and getting teams on the field.

Unfortunately, this commitment and dedication hasn't translated to success on the pitch - at least not when he's directing operations on the field.

Five matches into the season and he's still searching for his first victory, losing every game in which he's been in charge.

Fortunately he's been away for the last two games and Offley have managed to win both, despite fielding for the vast majority of both contests with just ten men.

Offley are averaging 30 points per game in which Wardy doesn't play and 8.33 when he does.

To be fair, Wardy would be averaging 10 points per game if it hadn't been for Bus Wanka getting us docked five points by the league.

In fact the Ginger Jonah has yet to experience victory in any format this year. 

He's lost three out of three in the Herts League, and ended up on the wrong side in both the friendly against Breach wood Green and the Beds League game at Wolverton, despite scoring half-centuries in both of those matches.

If his fellow gingers, Richie Barker and Wardy's brother Adam have displayed sparkling effervescence like Tango and Fanta, poor Wardy has resembled a rancid glass of carrot juice, a smashed up pumpkin rather than a smashing one.

By this stage Wardy could be forgiven for having something of a complex about the whole thing.

In fairness, if he doesn't have one, he probably should have.

Despite leading from the front - he's scored more league runs than any Offley player this season - everything he touches seems to result in disaster.

Not only has he lost every game he's been captain for this year, he's also managed to lose every toss.

If everything Midas touched turned to gold, everything Wardy touches seems to turn to shit.

He's a Shit Midas.

On Saturday Wardy leads his troops into action once again.

For the first time in years Offley go into the game as favourites as they take on bottom of the table Royal Herts, a team who have lost four out of five and been saved by rain in the other.

For once the opponents and the weather look favourable.

Now we are asking for your help and support to enable Wardy to fulfil his dream of tasting victory.

Please make yourself available on Saturday and turn out to help us finally win one for Wardy.

If you're unable to play, come along and support and wave your crutches at the opposition.

Let's all come together and do our bit and we can make something special happen.

We're not trying to bring about world peace, work out whether Elon Musk is a bigger cunt than Donald Trump or eradicate poverty and starvation in Africa.

We're not even trying to stop the boats - which is a bit of a shame as the Gammon Cannon has doubtless got some excellent ideas.

This is bigger than all of that.

It's finally time.

Let's win for Wardy.