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Hats & Hat Tricks

 OSCC, 180-6, lost to Luton Town & Indians, 240-9, by 60 runs


On a day where Shane Jones took a hat trick, two Offley batsmen walked off at the end with unbeaten half-centuries and Jamie Cummins sustained a torn hamstring that is certain to make him a slow-moving favourite among Tenerife's looky-looky men when he arrives on Wednesday (Jamie will be back on Sunday with his hair in cornrows, several Rolexes and a dozen pairs of sunglasses), there really is only one place to start.

With Kaiz Ul-Haq's hat.

Sporting a fantastic piece of millinery that made him look like a cross between Audery Hepburn and a slightly effete Indiana Jones and is available exclusively from Young Man at Roger's as part of their Junior Arms Dealer Collection, Kaiz brought a touch of international panache to proceedings.

Relegation-threatened Offley arrived at Potton to take on table-topping Luton and promptly lost the toss consigning them to an afternoon chasing leather in the sunshine.

Had Cummins torn his hamstring before taking the new ball their prospects would have improved markedly.

Unfortunately Jamie - who last took a wicket on July 12 - managed five overs before he was bazooked out of the attack with figures of 5-0-48-0, in the process becoming the first Offley bowler this season to concede over 500 runs.

If it wasn't the Harry Potter lookalike's worst spell of the season (and in fairness it probably was) it was certainly the most expensive.

Shortly afterwards Cummins followed in the footsteps of Josh Scott and Scott Boatwright by being forced to leave the field this season with a torn hamstring as he forlornly escorted the ball to the boundary before collapsing in a heap.

It just goes to show that rampaging through the streets of Bradford with the MIGs is no way to maintain match fitness.

Left with ten men, Offley strove heroically to stem the tide, repeatedly putting feet and ankles on the line to stop the ball.

And that was just Johnny Davis.

Kaiz looked to have made the breakthrough when he enticed the batsman to pick out Dan Goord on the deep square boundary.

Goord, one of the most reliable fielders in the club, did not have to move an inch - at least not until he punched it over the boundary for six and then had to go and retrieve it.

The bowler was displeased.

Kaiz finally made the breakthrough when Ben Wiles held on at point and Wiles claimed the second wicket when Jordan Cooper judged, misjudged and juggled a steepling effort at mid off before clinging on at the third or fourth attempt with the bowler's inspiring words of, "For the love of God please catch it!" ringing in his ears.

The bowlers stuck to their task with Cooper bowling efficiently and Richie Barker picking up three wickets, the best of which came when the batsman obligingly stepped back to cut and mowed down his own stumps instead.

However, the real story of the bowling was Jones in perhaps his final match of the season.

Cunningly held back until the 37th over (dynamite decision, captain) he immediately struck as he beat the batsman in the air and exclaimed "Got him!" before the ball had even hit the stumps.

He made it two in two when the next man played down the wrong line and was bowled.

After the match the batsman claimed the reason for this was because he'd batted without a helmet for the first time in his life.

The hat trick delivery struck the next victim plumb in front to prompt scenes of jubilant celebration frm the fielders and the nonchalant shrug of a man who has done it before from the bowler.

Jones finished with figures of 2-0-5-3, potentially finishing the season with 15 wickets at a strike rate of 13.13.

Louis Smith rebounded from a tough day in the field to execute an excellent run out with a direct hit from extra cover and the innings finally closed on 240-9, about 60 runs shy of what it had looked like being at one stage of proceedings.

Offley's batsmen were up for the chase, Goord and Marc Ward heading out to open the innings.

They got off to a solid start before Goord was cut in half by a delivery that clipped the top of off stump to make it 17-1.

Striding to the crease like the Lord of Luna (A-Level Ancient History), Wiles showed he was up for the fight by clipping his first ball through square leg for four.

The next delivery also sped away towards the boundary.

Unfortunately it was speeding on its way via crashing into leg stump and Offley were reeling on 25-2.

It didn't get much better as they slumped to 48-5.

Smith had his off stump knocked back by one that kept low, Kaiz, evidently under the impression he was in the closing overs of a T20 match, unleashed his customary shot-a-ball repertoire before missing a straight one and Davis was trapped LBW on the back foot in front of leg stump.

Amidst the wreckage Ward was digging in, defiantly resisting everything the bowlers could throw at him and collecting the dots that the stricken Cummins might have treasured.

Ward and Shaun Baines doubled the score, pushing it up to 96, before Baines was very late on a late cut and was bowled for 19 from the 19 balls Ward had allowed him to face during the 13 overs they batted together.

Slowly grinding his way to a 138-ball marathon, Ward was joined by Barker in a partnership that grew from uncertain beginnings to an unbroken 84, earning three unlikely batting points for their side in the process.

Ward reached the sixth half-century of his outstanding season as he finished unbeaten on 65 while Barker reached 50 from 43 balls off the penultimate delivery as Offley finished on 180-6.

Survival hopes may now rest on the slightly unlikely combination of beating Ampthill while Kempston beat Hexton.

Offley's weary troops may be holidaying in Turkey and Tenerife this week but the way things are looking it seems as we may be heading to the exotic locales of Division Six next season.

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