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Tango & Fanta

OSCC, 117-0, beat Abbots Langley 149-7, on Run Rate On a day when the rain poured down to suggest an ark might be more useful than a pavilion, Offley made it four wins in a row - something that cannot honestly have happened since before the pandemic - as Adam Ward and Richie Barker shared an unbeaten 117-run partnership to secure a 10 wicket win. Once again it was a victory for the underdogs as Offley were reduced to 10 men for the final 30 overs of the innings after Scott Boatwright injured a calf muscle celebrating a catch. Seriously. Offley went into the match full of confidence, riding a three-game winning streak and safe in the knowledge that Captain Catastrophe, Marc Ward, was not playing. Barker won the toss and elected to bowl first with rain in the air and every chance of a shortened game. Offley got off to a good start as Syed Shah claimed two early wickets, both caught at the wicket by Boatwright. Boaty had flown in from Japan, landing at 6am and there was clearly a bit of n...
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The Triangle of Triumph

OSCC, 116-6, beat Shillington, 115-9, by four wickets OSCC, 174-6, beat Harpenden, 166 all out, by eight runs OSCC, 245-6, beat Hexton, 152 all out, by 93 runs Having started the season by losing six out of six - and conceding a seventh to boot - Offley kicked the season into life with a three-game sweep of assorted opponents. The week that began with the unfortunate Bus Wanka saga ended with the victory beers overflowing. Captain Roger Piepenstock secured the first win of the season against Shillington, having been elected to the position on the grounds of his patrician bearing and the fact he was the only one with a coin (a golden guinea presumably) to toss up. Manouvering his fielders with a combination of frantic arm-waving and polite requests one that conjured images of a pissed up usher at a garden party, Captain Piepenstock ensured Shillington were restricted to 115-9.  Mark Kirkman and Shane Jones were the pick of the bowlers with three wickets apiece but there were also tw...
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The Joy Of Six

  OSCC, 138 all out, lost to Chorleywood, 139-6, by four wickets Offley maintained their perfect start to the season by losing for the sixth time in six outings at Chorleywood. Marc Ward extended his record as captain to 0-13. It might be argued that 13 is an unlucky number but in all honesty his other 12 games in charge haven't exactly been a raging success. Ward hasn't even won the toss yet this year. In many ways this was a typical Offley performance. Ward played another wanker's special (a lone hand) at the top of the order as he top-scored with 66 while the other 10 batters contributed 60 between them. Jamie Cummins crammed more dots into an innings than smugglers cramming illegal immigrants into a small dinghy. Richie Barker had another one of his special little diva moments and announced his retirement at tea. And, just when it seemed the game might prove a dramatic twist, Offley encountered a matchwinner in the opposition ranks they could do nothing about. Ward lost...
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The Boys Are Back In Town

 OSCC, 127-7, lost to Wolverton, 131-2, by 8 wickets That went well. Offley & Stopsley kicked off another league season with a less than narrow defeat as Jamie Cummins earned more nicknames than he pinched singles off the 42 deliveries he faced. By the time the dust had settled, new opening batsman Jamie, a man who looks like the lovechild of serial killers Rose West and Dennis Nielsen had strangled the life out of his own innings and picked up the nicknames Pol Dot (another mass murderer), Cotton (as in Dot), Harry Dotter, the Waiting Wall, the Sponge (soaks up pressure and deliveries) and also acquired a mail-order bride in the shape of Way Ting. And he genuinely thought the worst thing that was going to happen to him this weekend was at the Hawthorns. 10-man Offley won the toss and elected to bat on a bouncy track where 180 looked to be the minimum score and Cummins and Marc Ward set out to open the innings. Ward walked out with his bat, Cummins went out with a shovel and tr...
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The People's Champions

"We fight for lost causes because we know that our defeat and dismay may be the preface to our successors' victory." A day out that was confidently expected to end around lunchtime eventually drew to a close in the early evening as heavy underdogs, Offley & Stopsley C.C., otherwise known as the People's Champions, took their leave of Knebworth Park having reached the club's first final since 2008. Unquestionably no one was more surprised at making it through to the final than the team themselves, the semi-final victory prompting a flurry of hastily rearranged plans. Ultimately they were not victorious on the pitch - not exactly a shock as they were up against a side six divisions above them in the Saracens League, a gap that will be confirmed as eight divisions once the tables are finalised on Saturday night. Yet at the end of a torrid season where the club flag has been subjected to shot and shell, it was heartening to know it still fluttered defiantly in the...
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iBat; iBowl; iPad

  OSCC, 71 all out, got about halfway against Leverstock Green, 155 all out iPad At the captain's request (for a direct line please dial 0-9 for Wardy) I'm not allowed to mention what effect Saturday's result has had on our survival prospects. However, I think I am free to point out this challenging mathematical poser, namely what would happen if you took the points we have accumulated in the Bedfordshire league (depleted by 10 after Sunday's concession) and added them to those we have accumulated in the Saracens League? Answer: we'd still be pretty severely fucked.... Things did not begin well on Saturday.  Richie Barker missed out with a nasty toe injury (laughably sustained attempting to bowl seam in the nets) and Danny O'Brien was forced to withdraw on the morning of the match after a tough week at work. Roger Piepenstock, a man who lives within a stone's throw of the ground, although perhaps not if that stone is being thrown by an Offley fielder, subseq...
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Oscar's Weekend

  An interesting weekend full of landmark performances and season's-best efforts from a number of players resulted in a familiar feeling - Offley lost twice and lurched a step nearer to a second successive double relegation campaign. On the grounds that there's as much chance of us fulfilling the final fixture at Godmanchester as there is of Luke Munt buying a Luton Town season ticket (not to mention as much chance of us winning it as of Luke Munt renouncing sausage rolls), we are already effectively doomed to relegation from the Bedfordshire League. The hithero uncharted depths of Division Six await - nice one JB. On Friday night Offley pulled off one of the best wins of the season by routing (sort of) a strong Ickwell side featuring a number of 1st & 2nd XI players. Of course everyone who turns out for Offley is a 1st XI player (sometimes a 1st VIII or 1st IX player) so perhaps it wasn't such an upset. Oscar Welch became the youngest player in club history to claim fi...
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The Ballad of the Broken Batsman

  In 1859 the American abolitionist John Brown was executed after the doomed raid on Harper's Ferry, an event that sparked the American Civil War. This act inspired the song John Brown's Body Lies A Moldering In The Grave with it's world-renowned chorus of Glory, Glory, Hallelujah . Today, we remember John Brown, known to his followers as the Wrathful Cloud of God, and his famous tune and pay tribute to a contemporary cricketer with this, The Ballad of the Broken Batsman. The Ballad of the Broken Batsman He walked out to the middle for he'd looked death in the eye Doctors told him to retire but he said he'd have another try He hoped that he'd be served up with a tasty juicy pie Now he ain't gonna bat no more (Chorus) Glory, glory hallelujah The bowler ripped it right back through ya It was hitting middle stump but you stomped off with the hump Said you ain't gonna bat no more He took his guard and settled in, he waited for the ball His eyes lost all exp...
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Offley 2 St Albans 0; Munty's Last Squat

 OSCC, 118 all out, beat Old Albanians, 110 all out, by eight runs On the day that Luke Munt (pictured ablove) called time on his illustrious cricketing career, selling off his kit to raise money for charity (unfortunately it failed ro raise nearly as many pounds as Luke weighs - if it had we might have cured cancer), Offley recorded their second win of the Saracens campaign with a pulsating victory against the odds and Old Albanians. Richie Barker, captain for the first time since the first victory against Albanians on June 1st, won the toss and elected to bat. Barker got off the mark for the first time in three innings but was out moments later, leading to more observations on retirement, or at the very least dropping down the order. His opening partner, Offley MVP Jamie Cummins, returned to the pavilion shortly afterwards as Offley slumped to 12-2. Ben Southgate and Steve Bexfield added 60 for the third wicket. Southgate reached double figures for Offley for the first time at th...
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Live By The Ward, Die By The Ward

  The Ward Brothers (and Nine Deluxe Spanners), 143 all out, lost to Flamstead, 146-6, by 4 wickets Marc Ward won the toss. Adam Ward top-scored with 62. Offley lost. Some things don't change Well, the gap between Offley and safety only gets larger but at this stage of the season it's fair to say that ship has sailed. Or smashed into a fucking great iceberg. Confused by winning the toss, Ward decided to bat first on a slow, low deck that made Offley look like Perth. Tight bowling, a lack of bounce and a lack of form kept Offley quiet before Richie Barker perished for a 25-ball duck, paying the price for hitting the ball off the square. The only thing longer was the name of the bowler who got him out - one Thavin Sankana Thilakarathna Asurapmudalige. In contrast to Barker, Scott Boatwright, recently arrived back from Japan, batted with freewheeling panache to make 6 from 24 balls before lobbing a catch to cover. That brought the Ward Brothers together and they plundered a rapid ...
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